Once you’ve decided you want to quit smoking, the most hardest part isnt stopping but staying smoke free. I still struggle with the occassional pangs and i’ve been smokefree now for 2 years.

I want to share with you all a set of advertisements that we did for the Quit Group, where Ieremia and I chronicled (I like that word) our journey to be smoke free on Television.

For us it was a great success and we hope that we provided some inspiration to those seeking the same journey.

We’re currently working on another blogsite that focuses on the quit smoking aspect and hoping this will be a great resource for “How To Help Someone Stop Smoking”. As with this site its all about the support and having someone to ask your questions or even a place to share your own tips and advice.

Although I have lots of advice to provide on a number of topics including my experience with quit smoking, the likes of the Facebook, Bebo, MySpace explosion have made it socially acceptable to share your views on a number of topics through these different social networks and through like the likes of blogs, forums and websites … enter 4my11kids.com.

It has been one of the best decisions I have ever made to quit smoking and I to this day have no regrets, even though I still experience the occassional temptation, its not enough to start again!!

I AM SMOKEFREEEEEE BABY!! *giggles*

Have an opinion? Looking for answers? Leave your comments/suggestions in the space below.

Looking for support now? Click on this link to view How To Stop Smoking Cold Turkey.

Here we go, ive finally decided to give my 2 cents worth on the whole smacking debacle and my answer will be a resounding NO.

In terms of elabborating on my vote for this referendum, i’ll be very brief but the main reason why I wont be voting YES:

Beating can kill children, smacking is not akin to the word beating.

In the extreme cases where parents or family members have severely abused or even killed their children through beating them, a YES would only serve a purpose if the perpetraitor were caught.

What should be addressed here is the behaviour BEFORE it gets to the stage of beating.

Take the question at face value … and for me there is no confusion or incoherent connotations to the question … plain and simple it reads …. Should a smack as part of good parental correction be a criminal offence in New Zealand?

And my interpretation is as the question reads … If you smack your child as a way of providing good parental correction, should this be deemed a criminal offence in New Zealand? Same difference, just stated differently, but in short thats they way I perceive the question.

Beating is a different term to smacking … time out is a different term to beating … I think what needs to be clarified is yet again the meaning of the term smacking. Once that is defined and compared to the meaning of the term beating, then it is clear to see that the argument here is not one that should be had.

I am not a God fearing person, what I fear is what could happen to my children if I wasnt to address their unwanted behaviour by way of smacking:

• To bring attention to a behaviour that will not be tolerated or will endanger their wellbeing
• To address a behaviour that is not tolerated but still displayed

Usually discussing the issue resolves the problem, however, on the rare occasion where it does not, a smack is involved.

I am fully able to understand why the whole anti-smacking circus was bought up for debate, but I think that what was being targeted is not being addressed through the likes of this referendum.

Some food for thought … if we werent to smack … what would we as parents do to address unwanted or dangerous behaviour that wasnt being addressed by alternative methods??

How can we help with parenting so you can be realistic with your teenagers?

We all have those moments where we sometimes delude ourselves into thinking that our children can do no wrong, but in all reality, it will happen, and does happen that our teenagers will try things in this world to find their place in the world.

Ieremia and I currently have 3 teenagers – Isiah, 19 – Leo, 17 and Sharquille, 16.

Most days come and go with ease, but we all need help with parenting as there are the times where they will push the envelope, but that’s what children are meant to do. As soon as you decide that this is an expectation (for our children to push their boundaries) then half the struggle and stress melts into oblivion.

The teenage years aren’t about controlling your child, but continuing to guide and fine tune the young people that they are. Too many times we find ourselves trying to control the thoughts and actions of our teenagers which in turn end up in tears, heartache and heartbreak. Remember that as a parent you will forever be the one constant in your child’s life and with this perspective in mind you will find that the world will be a better place for you and your teenager.

If it is one thing that I have learnt and would like to impart to other parents of teenagers it is this, in my journey to help with parenting  … sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Just as we tend to sometimes wrap our children up with cotton wool when they are first exploring their world as a toddler and pre-schooler, you may find yourself doing this to your teenager as well.

As hard as it may be at times you have to set boundaries and when they are crossed your teenager has to know that there will be consequences.  Without consequences your child will think that their behaviour is without error and will continue to repeat that misbehaviour.  If you have the tendency to feel bad or unfair towards your teenager for grounding them, then stop, you will drive yourself insane second guessing yourself.  Use your inner instincts to make those hard decisions and then stick by them.  Discussion is great but disrespect is not.  If your child questions your authority then be firm, reiterate the reason they are being punished and after some tears and tantrums, just as they were as toddlers, it will all subside and the status quo will return to your household.

The world happens, and will continue to happen to our young people, try to ensure that you keep a realistic perspective on what obstacles your teenager may have in their transition from a child to an adult.

There is so much out there in the world that we turn a blind eye to and because of our own insecurities, lack of knowledge or ways to cope with the ever-changing world we do our teenagers an injustice by acting as if they are infallible and that the “evils” of this world will only happen to them once they have left home, or that those things only happen to OTHER PEOPLES teenagers.

In some cases that may be true but in most cases your teenager will experiment whether it be with sex, drugs or alcohol, as parents you should ensure that they are fully prepared for these types of experiences and armed with the ability to make the right decisions for their situation. Give your teenagers good information and support so that they are able to cope with the changes in their bodies, mind and spirit. Good decisions come from well informed teenagers.

Remember, your teenager is becoming an adult and as adults we deal with our own needs for sex, drugs and/or alcohol on a regular basis.

So when you think you need help with parenting, first and foremost trust yourself, be realistic with your teenagers, even if it takes you out of your comfort zone to discuss some topics, remember that whatever information you are able to provide to assist with your teenagers transition into an adult will have lifelong repercussions.

Dont sweat the small stuff, if it isnt a danger to their lives, then its probably not worth stressing or controlling over.

If it seems dangerous to you, then clarify your understanding of what you think presents as harmful to your teenager and discuss this openly with them.

Last of all … you are human, we make mistakes. Its when we continue to make the same mistake that the impact is detrimental to our children. Remember, if you are struggling with your teenager then take the time to send us your concerns, we are only too happy to assist.  Or seek help with parenting from one of your childrens teachers, your local community centre, your Doctor, a community group that deals with that specific issue, your parish Priest or Minister or a close family member or friend.

As parents Ieremia and I arent perfect. We have our ups and downs with all our children but the bottom line is this – we strive daily to provide to the best of our capabilities for our children in all ways. We have realistic expectations of all our children and at times we have unrealistic ones, but we progress and learn. As human as perfection is always something to strive for.

Fast Tube by Casper

The above is a video of our eldest son with friends in his High School days … some parents would be open mouthed and aghast at this video but for me … its a video of my son growing into a man and having a lot of fun while hes at it!  I hope for you, this can help with parenting so you can be realistic with your teenagers too.

Why bring sexy back to your relationship you may ask?

Today it goes without saying that we strive to juggle. As Mothers, sisters, daughters and nieces, we have a role to play which at times can hugely impact our time as lovers and wives. The fine balancing act that we have to ensure we help everyone’s lives fall into the exact places that they want … but what about you?

In essence do you find yourself getting caught up with all the many hats you’re required to wear? I know I do.

And eventually something in your life suffers.

In all honesty that something is usually the relationship you share with your significant other and especially your sexual relationship.

With our busy lives we often don’t take the time to take that breather, and reflect on what it is that we require as women. What it is that we need to feel feminine in ways that we can only create with our significant others?

I’m challenging you right this moment to stop what it is you are doing for the next 15 minutes, complete reading this article and then take action. Don’t just read these great tips and then wish for the day that you could use them … today you are in complete control of how you can bring sexy back into your life.

Let me help you get those creative juices flowing with my 5 top tips to bring sexy back. You easily feel sexy at will:

1. Assault your senses with what makes you feel sexy

You and only you know what it is that makes you feel sexy. Sexy is a state of mind, a feeling, of which only you know when it is happening. When you feel sexy, your complete self exudes that very emotion and every pore of your body screams it.

That is the beginning and everything else will fall into place.

Maybe it’s the scent of your favorite perfume wafting delicately and teasingly into your nostrils. Possibly it’s the risqué and playful lingerie only you can feel close to your skin, that you are wearing beneath your work attire. Perhaps melodic tunes that get you into the right groove … listen to those seductive beats and rhythms.

Is it credible to say that a handful of almonds or a smattering of avocado to taste will be more than scientific aphrodisiacs?

It could even be as simple as taking a photo of you and your lover immediately after the throws of passion and viewing this picture to take you back to that place and time.

2. Be flirtatious with your significant other

Now that you are feeling sexy, lets amp it up just a little bit more. If you have been neglecting the love in your life, it will be a pleasant surprise to be that little bit more playful and suggestive. When your partner knows that the jungle drums are beating, their primal reaction will assist you to bring sexy back. Send an email … leave a ‘post it’ on the bathroom mirror … what about a note into their wallet … or put a pair of your panties into one of his pockets.

3. Make up your all important list.

You need reminders.

Whether they be listed in your appointment book ,diary, excel spreadsheet, cell phone, blackberry, or even a password protected document …you need to write a list of what sexy is to you. The purpose of this list is to remind you, or even prompt you of how you can quickly and easily bring sexy back, point by point on your list.

As women, I know different days bring different emotions, have your list adapt to these days and even if you have a list of 50-100 things … ensure you have a top 10 that will have you feeling and remembering the sexy woman you are within minutes.

4. Let your sexy be determined by you and only you

It is all too easy to seek someone’s advice to clarify or confirm you’re sexy. In most instances we will leave this to our loving others to provide us with this type of feedback … WRONG.

Take a big, huge, permanent marker and strike that off the list this very second!

You and only you will determine whether to bring sexy back and you will be the only one that can control that switch that says … YES!!! I AM APHRODITE IN PHYSICAL FORM!

Remember, you are the only one that knows when you are at your sexiest. You are the only one in control of your sexy-meter. Every other bit of attention that enforces and reinforces what you already know is a bonus.

5. Bring in the cavalry for those special moments

Our memories are a wonderful tool and all too often we forget to reminisce as couples.

Remember to take that time to reminisce and reflect on the days of old, when you first met and all the major warm-fuzzy-feeling milestones you’ve traversed in your relationship.

Take the time to have just some you time. Ask family and friends to watch children if you have them. Get your roomie to bunk in with someone else for the weekend. Call in favors with friends, colleagues, family, neighbors and anyone else you can think of to ensure that at least once every 12 weeks you get to have your mind blowing moments, completely uninterrupted by the world.

There you have it, my 5 tips to help you bring sexy back into your life and relationship. If you’re looking for 500 more precious and secret tips, I strongly suggest that you click here.

That was the topic I was faced with during the Parenting Panel today.

Its a biggie and not easily discussed in such a short timeframe.

I think that thanks to the great panel today, there was a lot of ground covered, and touches on points for further discussion.

I believe that morals are different for many, purely because we dont all share the same Christian values of old, or the perspectives around these.

For our household it boils down to a simple strategy that Ieremia and I try to implement with our children, this can differ depending on the age of the child but all in all the principles are the same:

1.  Advise our children of our expectations

2.  Through discussion with each other set boundaries for various behaviour

3.  Set consequences should boundaries be broken

• Address unacceptable behaviour
• Ensure the child understands why the behaviour is unacceptable
• Set a course of action to ensure that this does not occur again
• Followup any consequences that have been set

4.  Encourage and celebrate achievements with rewards

5.  Set goals to extend ones self

With any situation communication is key, it is one of the best tools that you as a parent are able to impart to your children – two way communication.

This tool alone will assist you to establish a great relationship with your children.

You will find that your children will be vocal, for the smallest of things to the important things and unafraid to voice their emotional needs.

The morals I value the most are those that my parents taught me and they have helped me be the person I am today.

Honesty, compassion and a realistic attitude are a few of the morals that I value most and try daily to impart these to my children.

Lead by example … children will generally display the behaviour that they see daily, the behaviours, values, morals and ideals that they are explosed to daily.

If you find your child displaying a particular trait that you are not comfortable with for whatever reason, I suggest that your first port of call to see where this behaviour has developed is to look at yourself.

As always I welcome your queries, views, whatever is on your mind concerning this complex issue.

Let me leave these words of wisdom, they’ve helped me along my journey when things get to be a little hard:

Desiderata

– written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s –

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.