Sharing Our Experiences

They are one of childhoods greatest annoyances but unfortunately something that will happen to our children regardless of how clean you scrub them!! All 11 of my children have had headlice at some stage of their lives, however, there is a headlice treatment that you can use without the need for chemicals.

Surrounded by many myths headlice are a condition that can be easily treated, without the need for expensive chemical preparations or electrical combs. I’ll also provide you with some tips for keeping your childs hair nit free where the only real cost is your time.

Myths about headlice:

Headlice are not caused by lack of hygiene

• Infact Headlice prefer a clean scalp to lay their eggs, but that still does not guarantee your child will not get Headlice

Headlice cannot swing from one persons head to another

• Infestation occurs when Headlice crawl into another persons head.  Headlice have no wings and cannot fly, and also have no hind legs to give them the ability to jump.

Headlice have no prejudice for ethnicity, age, gender or level of income

• Regardless of any of the above your child is still prone to catching Headlice.  It is lack of the correct information or education that allows the spread of Headlice.

Headlice cannot be caught through swimming

• Headlice go into a state of animation when swimming and cling to the hair during any activity that involves the hair.  Headlice can be caught from using the towel of another infested child, but they cannot be transmitted through the swimming pool water.

What do Headlice and their eggs look like?

Headlice are usually brown, black or clear.  Their eggs are usually a yellowish colour.

Now that we’ve covered the very basics of Headlice, lets get down to the nitty gritty of getting rid of them and ensuring a less likelihood of reinfestation!!

What you will need:

• Shampoo
• Conditioner
• Long toothed steel comb
• white cloth nappy, pillow case or similar
• Hair brush
• 4 hair ties if your child has long hair

Once you have all your bits n pieces together you will need to follow the next steps to not only check your child’s hair for Headlice or Nits but also to rid your child’s hair of these blood sucking nasties:

1. Wash your child’s hair thoroughly with Shampoo.  Rinse and apply conditioner.  Do not rinse out the conditioner.
2. Wrap your childs hair up with a towel and get them out of the shower.
3. Put the cloth nappy or pillowcase across your childs shoulders and ensure there is enough coverage to drape down their back.
4. Sit your child between your legs, remove the towel and brush out any tugs or knots from their hair
5. If your child has very long hair, section the hair into 4 even parts.  A split down the middle and a split across the middle.  Tie off each section that will not be used and take the first section.
6. Using your steel toothed comb start with the free section of hair and comb through this part, ensuring you comb from the scalp to the very tip of that portion of hair.
7. Ensure that you pay special attention to behind the ears, crown and nape of the neck.
8. If your child has Headlice or Nits/Eggs, these will either fall onto the piece of white cloth or become embedded in the comb.  Check the comb after each combing and remove the headlice and nits/eggs from the comb by using the white cloth.
9. For any headlice that are found, clip these between your thumb nails to kill them and ensure they do not crawl back into the hair or fall on the surrounding area that you are using.
10. Once you have completed each section of hair, brush the hair as one and go through the hair one more time with the Steel toothed comb.
11. Wrap up the used cloth and place in a tied bag and place in a safe area for 2 weeks or wash in very hot water and dry in the sun.
12. Take the brush and steel toothed comb, remove any hair and place items into a container and fill with boiled water to sterilise.
13. Change the sheets, bedding and pillow cases on your childs bed to ensure no further infestation

There you have it!  13 easy steps for headlice treatment without the need for expensive preparations.

To ensure that reinfestation does not occur, I do the following EVERY DAY for the next 10 days.  If you child showers in the morning, complete the above steps 1-12 but wash out the conditioner.  In the evening, probably before bedtime, brush the dry hair to remove any tugs or knots and comb the hair with the steel toothed comb.  The dry combing will help to rid the hair of any Nits/Eggs.  If your child showers at night, then the reverse will be done.  Remember to comb your childs hair wet one time and dry the next.

You will start to notice that your child has no headlice or eggs, but it is important to finish off the 10 day process.  Just one live egg or one live louse can reinfect the child.

To maintain clean hair, if you ensure you comb your child’s hair with the steel toothed comb every 3 days, you can reduce the chance of your child’s hair being reinfested.

The process may seem tedious and time consuming but if you take it from the perspective that your child will shower daily and need to have their hair brushed anyway, then it may not seem so difficult.

It is a great practice to teach your child to brush their hair twice or more a day and to get into a routine of using a steel tooth comb themselves.  The more the hair is combed the better it is for your child in avoiding reinfestations.  On a positive note, their hair will be silky, shiny and healthy!

I hope this helps you with headlice treatment of your children.  It sure has helped our large family to stay headlice free, especially when the chance is that if one gets them, everyone will get them!!

Keeping with this weeks theme “QUIT SMOKING”, I’m dedicating the rest of this week to providing information, tips and support on how to quit smoking cold turkey. Almost all of these details are from my own experiences but please feel free to provide me with your own personal tips or suggestions.

For those that aren’t familiar with the term cold turkey, that method of quitting is by just stopping, no longer smoking, going from your 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 – 50 cigarette habit a day to absolutely ZERO.

Ive tried many methods to quit smoking but all in all have found that the issue isnt the decision to stop or the act of stopping but the relapse. In other words being unable to stay quit. That seems to be the one obstacle if any, to stay a non smoker.

Fast Tube by Casper

Its been 2 years since I decided to quit and although I still think about smoking, or even miss smoking, its never been enough to return to the habit. MY life is so much more better without the cigarettes. I exercise more, I spend more time with my children, I spend more time with Ieremia and I spend more time doing the things I love to do like writing.

When I was a smoker I had almost lost the desire to write thinking that I needed to have that fag hanging out of the side of my mouth while I tapped away at the keys. I was so addicted that I couldn’t get passed the fact that I couldn’t smoke while writing so just decided not to write. I’m passionate about writing, I always have been but I let smoking get the better of me and stopped doing one of the things I love most. I robbed myself of the magic moments that my words create for me but luckily I have made 2 of the best decisions in my life, firstly to quit smoking and secondly to write again.

Life is good!!

I started smoking in my early teens and at first it was because I wanted to be part of a group and it seemed that the only way I would fit is if I would smoke. And so the addiction began. At first I would just puff but not inhale the cigarette but after my peers complained about me wasting their cigarettes I started to inhale. I was addicted; hook, line and sinker. Before long I started to use my pocket money to contribute towards packs of cigarettes with my friends and eventually started buying my own packs. All this before I even turned 15.

My parents are both non smokers and so it wasn’t like we had been bought up around cigarettes. However, we did have Aunties and Uncles that smoked and of course there was our Granddad, he was an absolute train .. smoked incredibly heavily and died of emphysema because of it.

I hid the fact I smoked for a long time from my parents and it wasn’t until I got caught smoking at school, that my parents had the opportunity to address my smoking.

They discouraged smoking vehemently, but regardless of what they said I wasn’t quitting, I didn’t want to quit, I was way too cool and grown up to give up something that was all about me.

I smoked heavily for 25 years.

Over that time I tried many times to quit, unsuccessfully. The one thing I have learnt from those experiences is that it boils down to a few things:

* making a solid decision to quit
* putting a plan into place to avoid relapse
* rewarding yourself for your daily achievements
* creating a support network to encourage your efforts
* getting on with your everyday life
* making a commitment to living a healthier lifestyle

As the week progresses I will go more in-depth into the above and provide more steps for your success as a non smoker.

I am so convinced that my life has become better as a non smoker that I have even setup a website to support those on their journey to becoming and staying a non smoker. Check our quit smoking website out here.

As part of our appearance on TVNZ’s Tagata Pasefika this week, I’ve decided to go with a smoking theme for both our Weekly Feature and the Too Hard To Discuss section.

Fast Tube by Casper

I’m sure this question is asked by many a parent who is faced with this problem – “I have a smoking teenager, what should I do?”

Let common sense prevail, “Quick, grab a bucket of water and put them out!” Okay, okay, not the best of jokes, but lets inject some humour into this before we get carried away with the seriousness of this topic.

As there is with all issues that come with teenagers, there are some things you may attempt to instil at a young age, and then there are others that happen regardless of how much you have tried to instil at a younger age.

In most instances the first step toward avoiding or correcting a problem is knowledge.

Talk to your child about the effects of smoking before this happens. By doing this, will enable them to make better decisions when the eventual peer-pressure-driven time comes. If you are able to teach your child some simple techniques or role plays so that when they are approached by their peers, or by other family members that smoke or by anyone else, to smoke, they will be prepared.

And they will have a response that will enable them to cope with these situations. This may in turn, enable them to cope with other situations where they feel socially pressured to do what is perceived as normal amongst their peers.

A coping mechanism if you will.

So lets start at the beginning and identify some of the reasons that this question would even be one that you are asking.

Statistics show that one, some, or all of the following may contribute to the reason your child may smoke.

Keep in mind, that statistics usually indicate what has generally been found, but there are always exceptions to the rule:

1. The child may be from a low income background.
2. They may have a group of friends or siblings who accept, use and encourage smoking.
3. Their Parents are smokers or smoked during a part of that childs life.
4. The child is easily able to access or buy cigarettes.
5. They may have no social support from or involvement with their parents.
6. The child may have low or no self-esteem or low self-image.

There you have it, a bit of a background on the “I have a smoking teenager” side of things and why your teenager may be smoking, but now to the second part of your question …

“What should I do?”

Let me tell you a little story about my own experiences with a smoking teenager.

A story involving my 2 eldest sons and only recently, my eldest daughter.

I was somewhat prepared that this would occur, purely because I had smoked while I carried all of them, smoked around them as they were growing up, and continued to smoking until I quit 2 years ago.

Not the best role model for my children, then, and this is one of the biggest reasons why I decided to quit. To be a better role model for my children.

As a smoker I had tried to discourage my children from smoking by telling them, “Only stupid people smoke”.

That was a little hard for them to comprehend, especially since the Mum they love so much and look up to, was telling them this. Fag in hand, puffing away, without a worry in the world.

I guess it was incredibly hard for them, considering they had grown up around it. And as much as I tried to educate them on the reasons why they should not smoke, it still came down to the basic … My Mum is smoking so it must be alright.

(either that OR they’re thinking, “My Mum is stupid, and so am I”) hahaha

Over the years I would ask them if they had experimented with cigarettes or if they were even thinking about experimenting. And what if anything made them curious about the smoking. I was very concious of the fact that because I was a smoker, my children had a big chance of being smokers themselves. But I secretly hoped that the day would never come that they would ever say to me, that they had tried the dreaded and highly addictive drug.

But that day came soon enough, for my eldest boy when he was around 12 years old. He was caught with a group of other boys smoking. And at the time they werent sure if he was smoking but for sure he was tainted by association. But he told me that he had been smoking.

I then gave him the big talk on the evils of smoking, the terrible things the nicotine does to ones health, breath, teeth, the talk, the whole talk and nothing but the talk. And it appeared that he was on his path to smokefree heaven and had been put off.

Wrong!

After spending a bit of time as a social smoker, it looks like my eldest son is a full blown smoker.

What should I do?

As I have always done, and as I still do … I go over the information I have provided beforehand and hope that he will eventually return to the non smoker that he was born as.

Or at least once he was expelled from my womb.

In most cases I give my children rewards or consequences for their actions.

However, due to the addictive nature of smoking it is hard to say, “If you dont stop smoking, you’ll be grounded”. I’ve tried and it just makes the smoking that much more precious so that the child becomes deceitful and starts to lie about their behaviour.

Another lesson learnt for me, so I do what seems best … just keep communicating.

Remember to let them know your disappointment in their decision to smoke and why.

But at this stage, its good to switch tactics. For, Ive found that going over the psychology of smoking works so much more better for my teenagers than bleating on about the evils of smoking as I did when they were tweens and younger.

At this stage of my teens lives, I tell them my “smoke” story. I enjoy educating them on what I found caused me to smoke, why I gave up, how they can give up and the overall effects of the addictive nicotine on their thinking and lifestyle.

My daughter was upfront and honest in one of our discussions, I knew she had been having the occassional puff with cousins and friends but it shortly turned into full blown smoking. I initially tried to pretend like it wasn’t happening, but that didnt last long.

I prefer to live in the real world instead of the fantasy world where I am a perfect Mother with 11 perfect children.

Oh hang on, I think I am! *giggles*

After much discussion, my daughter and I came to a few agreements in terms of her smoking. We decided that out of respect for her Grandparents, Aunties and Uncles, myself and Ieremia she would not smoke in the presence of any of us. We also decided that she would not smoke in front of her younger siblings, as smoking is behaviour we discourage.

You may say or think that my strategy is akin to a “if you can’t beat em, join em” mentality, but I like to think that it’s closer to a strategy of “if you can’t beat ‘em, educate them”, for you can’t beat this out of them, you can hope to contain it.

As for my 2nd eldest son he has experimented in his early teens, as his older brother and younger sister did, as a social smoker, but to date, it appears to have given up on becoming a full blown smoker.

And this is a great thing!

In finishing I want to impress a few things:

• Dont make smoking something that your teenager will find precious by forbidding it. Your teenager will only want to smoke more.
• Both my parents were non-smokers but 3 out of 4 of my siblings, including me, all smoked
• Educate your teenager on the effects of smoking, highlight family, friends and loved ones that have died as a result of smoking related illnesses so that the causes and effect of smoking, become more realistic to them. As well as discuss current smokers in their lives and the negative aspects of smoking on that person, ie: bad breathe, yellow teeth, yellow fingers, bad smelling, easily irritable.
• Set a plan for your teen to quit, discuss the plan often so that when they are ready to kick the habit, you can swing it straight into action
• Celebrate their achievements in kicking the habit no matter how small, it’s a step closer to them returning to their smokefree selves. Remember, that the average smoker that has quit, has repeatedly tried to stop smoking, on average 14 times, before they eventually quit. So celebrate this.

Click here to get more support in educating your teenager.

So, the new year has begun, and along with it there will be a new edition to our family.

Our 16 year old daughter Sharquille, is going to be having her first baby in April, 2010.

Initially it was a shock to us, and there was also alot of disappointment but after alot of tears and reflection I finally found a way to deal with the whole situation.

The bottom line is that my daughter will be giving birth and that in itself should be a celebration. It may have come along as a surprise and taken me aback for a short while but at the end of the day, baby is coming whether we are ready or not and so to make the best and most of this situation, we are all going to prepare, best we can to bring our new baby into a loving, supportive and positive family.

When we first found out, it was due to another situation that had arisen with one of Sharquille’s friends. We had found out that her friend was going to have an abortion and so believing that we should ensure this girl was supported by her parents, we decided to let her parents know through our own family network. Little did we realise that this would also provide the platform for Sharquille to tell us of her own pregnancy!

My first reaction was to wonder what I had done wrong as a parent … is there something I had overlooked and not been attentive enough to my daughter. That soon faded into the nothingness after I discussed further with Sharquille.

My belief is that abstinence is best, but should our teenagers decide to have sex, then it should be with the knowledge that they are opening themselves up to pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Sharquille was aware of this and although I had taken her to the Doctors to put her on the pill, the truth is that sex can lead to pregnancy regardless of whether protection or contraception is used.

Im looking forward to the next few weeks, when my grandbaby will be born, and know that regardless of age Sharquille will go through the same emotions and feelings that any pending and new Mother will.

I have learnt that what matters most, is the world that my grandbaby will arrive in. There is no use trying to analyse the situation now, the birth is imminent and as a family it is our duty to our new edition, to be as supportive, loving and positive as we can be.

We all went through our own forms of acceptance, some of us found this stage harder than others. Our eldest son who is a youth worker had felt a type of betrayal that his sister had not confided in him. But for her it was difficult, and it truly showed the emotional maturity that she lacked. We didnt find out till she was 7 months pregnant, and for her the difficulty arose when faced with the consequences of telling us she was pregnant. Her own intentions had always been to keep her baby but she felt that if she had told us prior to this time, we may have decided that other alternatives were the best solution for her predicament … Sharquille did not want to abort her child. I myself are pro-choice, with a major leaning towards pro-life, so I could somewhat understand Sharquille’s decision to keep her pregnancy secret. At the end of the day, I am glad that she told us before the delivery occurred!

And what have I learnt from this experience, or what would I have done differently? I think that reflecting on the situation, as with any of my own pregnancies, circumstances will be different for everyone. Sharquille had finished school last year, due to her disruptive nature and lack of interest in education and gone into full time employment. She is currently back in school and receiving paid parental leave, due to being employed more than 12 months with her full time position. Her aim at school is to educate herself further so that she has a wider scope for future employment prospects or even the opportunity to attend University. Sharquille had somewhat stepped into an adult world once she left school and had been earning her own money, making alot of her own decisions before the pregnancy occurred. So I guess that for her, she feels that she is prepared for her baby to be born. The situation will definitely become more highlighted once he is born but for now Sharquille is working towards setting up a solid foundation for both herself and her child.

I think the only thing I may have done differently is to put her on a different type of contraception. The pill is difficult for me to remember to take and so maybe an alternative like DepoProvera would have been a better avenue for my daughter. We have always talked openly about sex and contraception, but I think another avenue for her to discuss such things would have been a positive step in the right direction. Maybe Family Planning or YrChoice would have been excellent avenues for extra support and information.

As my daughter is growing, so am I, in that I cant watch my children 24/7, I can only go back to what I know best, and that is to arm my children with the tools to make the right decisions for the situations they may find themselves in. Anything past that is out of my control for it is their own thinking and bodies that will react to those situations, not mine. Although Sharquille is going to be a young mother, it is how we approach the new baby that will define this lesson in life for Sharquille and our family … I believe we’re on the right track to providing the best environment that we can for our new baby … and for Sharquille … the world is still her oyster, even though she has a new baby to consider, she does it with the knowledge that our family will support her goals aspirations, ensuring that her child is the focal point of any decisions that she makes.

Thats me for now, over and out – Madea (thats supposedly the title that Sharquille sees fit for me instead of Granny or Grandma, regardless of the title, im over the moon with the pending birth of my grandbaby)!!