Sharing Our Experiences

Most recently I missed my appearance on the Good Morning Show concerning children and chores due to my daughter going into labour. I managed to watch the show and enjoyed the comments and advice but thought id share my thoughts on how your child can help with your list of household chores, or at least how my children do.

All our children help with our list of household chores, right from Mr 20 down to Miss 2. Each and every individual in our household has a responsibility to our family and to ensuring we live in a clean and tidy space and chores are a great way of teaching not only responsibility but also pride in ones work. But believe you me, our household is not an immaculately sparkling kept place!

We usually start at a young age with little things like picking up after themselves.

Toddlers love to help and as soon as they are able to tip out the toy box, they are old enough to pick up those toys and put them back into the toy box. After showers the toddlers can help by putting their dirty washing in the laundry and wiping up the bathroom floor. They are easy tasks but you will find that your toddler will be excited to help and love the praise given when completing a set task.

Praise is important when starting to teach chores.

Children like to please and if positive enforcement is given then they will continue to complete tasks without too much fuss. It is important to also remember that if taught right from a young age, this will usually carry through to their older years.

So when teaching your toddlers to pick up after themselves, ensure its ALL the toys they took out and not just a couple and be persistent in having them finish off the job. Its fine to help, helping is another skill that you can show your child while cleaning up.

As your child gets older, between 5-7 then keeping their room clean, making their beds and washing dishes can be added to their list of household chores. At this age you can start to have them help preparing food or cooking. All our children from 6 upwards make their own lunches before going to school. During preparation of the evening meal, they are encouraged to help with peeling vegetables, clearing benches, stirring mixtures and tidying up after the person cooking.

As for those that are 10-20 years of age, they do all the outside work, clearing up and putting out the rubbish and recycling, washing the clothes, hanging it out to dry and folding individual piles for the owners to put away.

All our children are expected to keep their bedrooms tidy and each morning the routine is usually: to wake up, make their bed, tidy their room, shower, eat breakfast, make lunch, tidy up after themselves and get to school on time.

We are able to gauge alot from our children in their help with our list of household chores, first and foremost is whether they complete the job to the standard that they have been shown. Your child starts to be proud of their achievements at home and a sparkling bathroom, perfectly vaccuumed hallway or the smell of clean washing can help to identify a “job well done” to your child. They feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement when provided praise for a completed task. Eventually consistent praise will not be required because they will be proud of their own efforts. Chores also engender self pride in ones efforts and seeing a task through to completion.

We also see chores as a way of each child contributing towards our family as a whole.

They may not be able to pay the bills, put food on the table, or ensure they have clothes and shoes to wear but they can help by sharing in the list of household chores.

Our families list of household chores is split up into 3 major parts: the living room – washing, hallway, stairs and foyer; the kitchen/dining room and finally the bathrooms/toilets, rubbish and recycling. These have been the 3 major chores since our 20 year old was 5 and has been split amongst our children as each got to a capable age.

Now that our teenagers receive an income they have come up with their own creative plan to evade the 3 major chores. The 3 eldest pay pocket money to their 3 younger siblings. This doesnt mean that they dont still help around the house, because they do … our teens are the washing, rubbish, recycling and outside yard cleanup crew.

We also had conditions on pocket money, as we have never made it a practice to pay our children for doing chores, it is their responsibility as a member of this family to help out and since we already house, feed and clothe our children, pocket money isnt a necessity. But with our 3 eldest children they had become busy with sports practices, work, study and other commitments that they believed they could achieve this easier through having the younger children do their share of the 3 major chores. And so the new chore regime began. Each week our 3 eldest pay their 13, 11 and 10 year old brothers and sister $20.00 each, of which $15.00 is deposited into their bank accounts and $5 is given to each child to spend as they please.

And what happens you may say when the chore is not done or when someone doesnt do their chore correctly … easy!

1. If your chore is not completed correctly within 45 minutes then you will be required to complete all 3 chores for the next week
2. If the chore is done within 45 minutes but not correctly, you will complete that chore again until it is done correctly and if it goes over your allocated 45 minutes then option 1 applies!

Most of the time because of the above, we have no issue with chores and if there is, you will find one of our children washing every single dish, pot and spoon in our kitchen!

There has to be consequences for lack of contribution to our list of household chores. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind to ensure that your children complete set tasks … tenacity, self pride, responsibility and job satisfaction is something that the adult world doesnt wait to be learnt, so save a stitch in time and teach your child now … that way they’ll be prepared for those adult steps!

With the birth of my grandson LeSiah, ive been provided with the opportunity for a refresher, in terms of memory, of the all the milestones in a childs life.

Tiana, my last baby, is currently 29 months old so alot of things are still fresh in my mind but LeSiah gives me the hands on to share with you all.

LeSiah, as were 10 of my children was a normal vaginal delivery and is currently fully breastfed. Infact, although I have had 11 children (1 c-section, Tiana), LeSiah is the first birth that I have watched being born and it was amazing … Grammie (my self titled name) was full of tears and pride!

Sharquille’s water broke at around 4am on the morning of 31 March, 2010. She immediately woke me up and I got her to shower, ensuring that the waters were clear, helped her clean up and checked whether she was having any pains. No pains whatsoever. Sharquille had a very clear birth plan and so I started to put this into action by contacting everyone to let them know that delivery would be anytime in the next 24 hours.

Ensure you have a birth plan

Tip 1: Check to ensure that your waters are clear and not green or any other colour apart from clear. If you wear a sanitary pad it will display the colour of the waters. I had Sharquille wear a panty liner or sanitary pad in her last couple of weeks. Advise your midwife or Lead Maternity Carer immediately. Take this time to rest up for the long journey ahead. Drink plenty of water. Your waters can break at any time during the labour process and not necessarily before labour starts. Infact my waters have only broken once in all my deliveries, every other time they have been broken during the actual delivery.

Waiting for something to happen

She had no contractions whatsoever until around 11pm. We had gone into hospital at around 2pm for monitoring to ensure everything was fine with baby and the progress of her labour. Because her water had broken she had been scheduled for an induction if labour did not establish before 8am on 1 April, 2010.

Tip 2: Aim to be active as much as possible during your labour without becoming tired. For example take gentle walks, dance a little or sway side to side. This can assist with establishing labour.

Once the contractions started at 11pmish, they were few and far between and by 8am the next morning we were on our way to the hospital for the scheduled induction.

Tip 3: When contractions start, to take the edge off your contractions, try leaving forward on either the back of a chair or something that is not lower than pelvis height and sway gently. BREATHE … extremely important. Take note of your breathing and try to concentrate on each inhalation and exhalation. This will help to distract you from the pain. Walk, listen to music, sing, shower, do anything that will help you to relax and not harm your baby.

Our family took up the whole waiting area, Sharquille had quite an entourage to welcome the birth of her first child … the energy was extremely gratifying for her and our family as a whole. What made the experience even more endearing is that my cousin Tillie was Sharquille’s midwife so we knew she was in good hands with her Aunty. Between 8-10.30am the family ate, laughed, talked and watched TV while Sharquille got ready for her induction and prepared for the delivery, having her contractions monitored … of which none appeared. The Specialist Obstetrician had not checked to see how much Sharquille had dilated as she had not been having any regular contractions but recommended that the induction get under way and he would check her in a few hours.

Tip 4: Support people are essential in birth and delivery, even if it is just you and your partner, best friend, Mother, Father, brother, or any other relative. Ensure you have a birth plan in place so that they are able to best support you during this period.

It was all quite sudden, when everyone had decided to go for a little morning tea break, we were all prepared for a long wait after the induction begun. Sharquille’s Aunty Natalie had bought a bottle of Lavendar oil all the way from Croatia that Sharquille had started to deeply inhale. She loves the smell of Lavendar. The induction infact had only just started, minutes into starting when Sharquille told me she had a pain! No contractions had shown up at all on the monitor from the time we arrived to this point. I told her that this was natural but she insisted that she felt like she wanted to pooh.

Tip 5: Always listen to your body. You will know better than anyone when your body is ready or if something is out of the ordinary. You know your body better than anyone. Alert those around you with any changes you may feel during labour and delivery.

Lavendar provides calming properties

At this stage, the seasoned professional that Tillie is kicked into action, she checked our girl to see how much she was dilated and to my amazement Sharquille was almost fully dilated and ready to push. It all went so fast after that. Present in the room was myself, my older sister Caroline, Ieremia, Sharquilles Dad Hoani and Step Mum Terri, my sister in laws Agnes and Natalie. A real family affair. On standby for assistance was a second midwife.

Tip 6: For the support people, don’t be offended if you’re asked to leave the birthing room by either the person delivering or medical staff. Everyone in the room has a job to do but if there is any discomfort involved you may be asked leave. This is the Mother’s Day, everything should be to her comfort, encouragement and instruction!

10 minutes before LeSiah is born

The delivery was beautiful, unassisted and drug free … the atmosphere was supportive, loving and full of excitement.

Once Sharquille started gently pushing and Tillie guided the delivery, LeSiah arrived into the world at 10.54am, 24 minutes after Sharquille had told us about her pains!

Tip 7: Ensure you have a birth plan in place. This is essential for you to have the best experience possible … your way. Note in your birth plan whether you would like a drug free birth, who cuts the cord, whether you would like skin to skin after delivery, who you would like to hold baby first, note anything that is of importance to you.

Aunty Tillie and Aunty Agnes watching LeSiahs first peek

What a precious experience and one I am proud to share with you all!

In any birthing situation there may be unexpected problems or there may be things that dont go quite as you have planned but my best advice to you is this … LISTEN. Your ears are a precious commodity during your birth and delivery. It is the one piece of advice I imparted to my daughter and one of the reasons I believe that she had such a natural and smooth birth, without drama, tears or rips to her periniuem.

Minutes after birth ... LeSiah and Grammie