Sharing Our Experiences

By Simon Collins
4:00 AM Wednesday May 5, 2010

New Zealand is still one of the best places in the world to be a mother, says a new report.

Save the Children’s annual Mother’s Day report says the average Kiwi woman will have 20 years of formal education and live to age 82, with almost all having health professionals present when they give birth.

By contrast in the worst place in the world for mothers, Afghanistan, a typical woman will have only four years of formal schooling and die by age 44, and only one in seven has a health professional present in childbirth.

But the report places Australia and four Nordic countries ahead of us on key measures such as maternal deaths in childbirth.

New Zealand’s overall ranking is also dragged down by a high death rate of six out of every 1000 children before the age of 5 – the same as in Australia but roughly twice the death rates of three or four in 1000 in Norway, Iceland, Sweden and Denmark.

The rankings are based on a weighted average of children’s wellbeing and women’s status in health, education, income and politics.

An Auckland obstetrician and gynaecologist who chairs an official committee on maternal and infant mortality, Professor Cindy Farquhar, said her committee found that our perinatal child death rate, between 20 weeks of pregnancy and one week after childbirth, was comparable with Australia and Britain, which was rated overall 14th-best place for mothers.

Our maternal death rate of 17 women for every 100,000 giving birth is quoted in the report as more than twice Australia’s rate of 7.5 and higher than in all but 11 out of 43 developed countries.

But Professor Farquhar said these figures were based on a very small number of actual maternal deaths – just 11 at last count in 2007.

TOP 10

Places for mothers, 2009 rank in brackets:

1 Norway (2)

2 Australia (3)

3= Iceland (4)

3= Sweden (1)

5 Denmark (5)

6 New Zealand (6)

7 Finland (7)

8 Netherlands (10)

9= Belgium (17)

9= Germany (9)

Source: Save the Children.
By Simon Collins

With the birth of my grandson LeSiah, ive been provided with the opportunity for a refresher, in terms of memory, of the all the milestones in a childs life.

Tiana, my last baby, is currently 29 months old so alot of things are still fresh in my mind but LeSiah gives me the hands on to share with you all.

LeSiah, as were 10 of my children was a normal vaginal delivery and is currently fully breastfed. Infact, although I have had 11 children (1 c-section, Tiana), LeSiah is the first birth that I have watched being born and it was amazing … Grammie (my self titled name) was full of tears and pride!

Sharquille’s water broke at around 4am on the morning of 31 March, 2010. She immediately woke me up and I got her to shower, ensuring that the waters were clear, helped her clean up and checked whether she was having any pains. No pains whatsoever. Sharquille had a very clear birth plan and so I started to put this into action by contacting everyone to let them know that delivery would be anytime in the next 24 hours.

Ensure you have a birth plan

Tip 1: Check to ensure that your waters are clear and not green or any other colour apart from clear. If you wear a sanitary pad it will display the colour of the waters. I had Sharquille wear a panty liner or sanitary pad in her last couple of weeks. Advise your midwife or Lead Maternity Carer immediately. Take this time to rest up for the long journey ahead. Drink plenty of water. Your waters can break at any time during the labour process and not necessarily before labour starts. Infact my waters have only broken once in all my deliveries, every other time they have been broken during the actual delivery.

Waiting for something to happen

She had no contractions whatsoever until around 11pm. We had gone into hospital at around 2pm for monitoring to ensure everything was fine with baby and the progress of her labour. Because her water had broken she had been scheduled for an induction if labour did not establish before 8am on 1 April, 2010.

Tip 2: Aim to be active as much as possible during your labour without becoming tired. For example take gentle walks, dance a little or sway side to side. This can assist with establishing labour.

Once the contractions started at 11pmish, they were few and far between and by 8am the next morning we were on our way to the hospital for the scheduled induction.

Tip 3: When contractions start, to take the edge off your contractions, try leaving forward on either the back of a chair or something that is not lower than pelvis height and sway gently. BREATHE … extremely important. Take note of your breathing and try to concentrate on each inhalation and exhalation. This will help to distract you from the pain. Walk, listen to music, sing, shower, do anything that will help you to relax and not harm your baby.

Our family took up the whole waiting area, Sharquille had quite an entourage to welcome the birth of her first child … the energy was extremely gratifying for her and our family as a whole. What made the experience even more endearing is that my cousin Tillie was Sharquille’s midwife so we knew she was in good hands with her Aunty. Between 8-10.30am the family ate, laughed, talked and watched TV while Sharquille got ready for her induction and prepared for the delivery, having her contractions monitored … of which none appeared. The Specialist Obstetrician had not checked to see how much Sharquille had dilated as she had not been having any regular contractions but recommended that the induction get under way and he would check her in a few hours.

Tip 4: Support people are essential in birth and delivery, even if it is just you and your partner, best friend, Mother, Father, brother, or any other relative. Ensure you have a birth plan in place so that they are able to best support you during this period.

It was all quite sudden, when everyone had decided to go for a little morning tea break, we were all prepared for a long wait after the induction begun. Sharquille’s Aunty Natalie had bought a bottle of Lavendar oil all the way from Croatia that Sharquille had started to deeply inhale. She loves the smell of Lavendar. The induction infact had only just started, minutes into starting when Sharquille told me she had a pain! No contractions had shown up at all on the monitor from the time we arrived to this point. I told her that this was natural but she insisted that she felt like she wanted to pooh.

Tip 5: Always listen to your body. You will know better than anyone when your body is ready or if something is out of the ordinary. You know your body better than anyone. Alert those around you with any changes you may feel during labour and delivery.

Lavendar provides calming properties

At this stage, the seasoned professional that Tillie is kicked into action, she checked our girl to see how much she was dilated and to my amazement Sharquille was almost fully dilated and ready to push. It all went so fast after that. Present in the room was myself, my older sister Caroline, Ieremia, Sharquilles Dad Hoani and Step Mum Terri, my sister in laws Agnes and Natalie. A real family affair. On standby for assistance was a second midwife.

Tip 6: For the support people, don’t be offended if you’re asked to leave the birthing room by either the person delivering or medical staff. Everyone in the room has a job to do but if there is any discomfort involved you may be asked leave. This is the Mother’s Day, everything should be to her comfort, encouragement and instruction!

10 minutes before LeSiah is born

The delivery was beautiful, unassisted and drug free … the atmosphere was supportive, loving and full of excitement.

Once Sharquille started gently pushing and Tillie guided the delivery, LeSiah arrived into the world at 10.54am, 24 minutes after Sharquille had told us about her pains!

Tip 7: Ensure you have a birth plan in place. This is essential for you to have the best experience possible … your way. Note in your birth plan whether you would like a drug free birth, who cuts the cord, whether you would like skin to skin after delivery, who you would like to hold baby first, note anything that is of importance to you.

Aunty Tillie and Aunty Agnes watching LeSiahs first peek

What a precious experience and one I am proud to share with you all!

In any birthing situation there may be unexpected problems or there may be things that dont go quite as you have planned but my best advice to you is this … LISTEN. Your ears are a precious commodity during your birth and delivery. It is the one piece of advice I imparted to my daughter and one of the reasons I believe that she had such a natural and smooth birth, without drama, tears or rips to her periniuem.

Minutes after birth ... LeSiah and Grammie

So, the new year has begun, and along with it there will be a new edition to our family.

Our 16 year old daughter Sharquille, is going to be having her first baby in April, 2010.

Initially it was a shock to us, and there was also alot of disappointment but after alot of tears and reflection I finally found a way to deal with the whole situation.

The bottom line is that my daughter will be giving birth and that in itself should be a celebration. It may have come along as a surprise and taken me aback for a short while but at the end of the day, baby is coming whether we are ready or not and so to make the best and most of this situation, we are all going to prepare, best we can to bring our new baby into a loving, supportive and positive family.

When we first found out, it was due to another situation that had arisen with one of Sharquille’s friends. We had found out that her friend was going to have an abortion and so believing that we should ensure this girl was supported by her parents, we decided to let her parents know through our own family network. Little did we realise that this would also provide the platform for Sharquille to tell us of her own pregnancy!

My first reaction was to wonder what I had done wrong as a parent … is there something I had overlooked and not been attentive enough to my daughter. That soon faded into the nothingness after I discussed further with Sharquille.

My belief is that abstinence is best, but should our teenagers decide to have sex, then it should be with the knowledge that they are opening themselves up to pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Sharquille was aware of this and although I had taken her to the Doctors to put her on the pill, the truth is that sex can lead to pregnancy regardless of whether protection or contraception is used.

Im looking forward to the next few weeks, when my grandbaby will be born, and know that regardless of age Sharquille will go through the same emotions and feelings that any pending and new Mother will.

I have learnt that what matters most, is the world that my grandbaby will arrive in. There is no use trying to analyse the situation now, the birth is imminent and as a family it is our duty to our new edition, to be as supportive, loving and positive as we can be.

We all went through our own forms of acceptance, some of us found this stage harder than others. Our eldest son who is a youth worker had felt a type of betrayal that his sister had not confided in him. But for her it was difficult, and it truly showed the emotional maturity that she lacked. We didnt find out till she was 7 months pregnant, and for her the difficulty arose when faced with the consequences of telling us she was pregnant. Her own intentions had always been to keep her baby but she felt that if she had told us prior to this time, we may have decided that other alternatives were the best solution for her predicament … Sharquille did not want to abort her child. I myself are pro-choice, with a major leaning towards pro-life, so I could somewhat understand Sharquille’s decision to keep her pregnancy secret. At the end of the day, I am glad that she told us before the delivery occurred!

And what have I learnt from this experience, or what would I have done differently? I think that reflecting on the situation, as with any of my own pregnancies, circumstances will be different for everyone. Sharquille had finished school last year, due to her disruptive nature and lack of interest in education and gone into full time employment. She is currently back in school and receiving paid parental leave, due to being employed more than 12 months with her full time position. Her aim at school is to educate herself further so that she has a wider scope for future employment prospects or even the opportunity to attend University. Sharquille had somewhat stepped into an adult world once she left school and had been earning her own money, making alot of her own decisions before the pregnancy occurred. So I guess that for her, she feels that she is prepared for her baby to be born. The situation will definitely become more highlighted once he is born but for now Sharquille is working towards setting up a solid foundation for both herself and her child.

I think the only thing I may have done differently is to put her on a different type of contraception. The pill is difficult for me to remember to take and so maybe an alternative like DepoProvera would have been a better avenue for my daughter. We have always talked openly about sex and contraception, but I think another avenue for her to discuss such things would have been a positive step in the right direction. Maybe Family Planning or YrChoice would have been excellent avenues for extra support and information.

As my daughter is growing, so am I, in that I cant watch my children 24/7, I can only go back to what I know best, and that is to arm my children with the tools to make the right decisions for the situations they may find themselves in. Anything past that is out of my control for it is their own thinking and bodies that will react to those situations, not mine. Although Sharquille is going to be a young mother, it is how we approach the new baby that will define this lesson in life for Sharquille and our family … I believe we’re on the right track to providing the best environment that we can for our new baby … and for Sharquille … the world is still her oyster, even though she has a new baby to consider, she does it with the knowledge that our family will support her goals aspirations, ensuring that her child is the focal point of any decisions that she makes.

Thats me for now, over and out – Madea (thats supposedly the title that Sharquille sees fit for me instead of Granny or Grandma, regardless of the title, im over the moon with the pending birth of my grandbaby)!!

Are you in need of expert conception advice and tips? Have you ever wondered how to get pregnant? These questions evoke varying responses from different people. Romance and emotion do play their part in the decision of having a baby. However, it is not uncommon to feel pained and frustrated, especially among the couples who are not able to become parents. Ideas of a kinky nature are bound to come to such couples.

Most newly wed couples take adequate protection against having a baby too quickly. However, in a matter of months, even as the duo is still getting to know each other properly, the eagerness to conceive a kid increases. This is hardly surprising, given the natural instinct of motherhood in ladies. A wife always wants to become a mother, since that gives her a sense of fulfillment. Thus, even in a fiercely competitive world, where the cost of everyday living runs into thousands, the craving for a baby remains high.

However, the females need to know how to get pregnant in a proper, healthy manner. The welfare and healthiness of both the mother and the kid, who would be seeing the light of the world soon, is of paramount importance. Hence, a careful perusal of the following discussion is necessary for me to help provide expert conception advice and tips:

• Women should start preparing to become a mother, at least 3 to 4 months prior to the actual delivery,
• Holistic measures for the maintenance of good health conditions is necessary for both the mother and child,
• A soon-to-be-mother should completely shun smoking and drinking habits,
• It is of paramount importance that no drugs of intoxication are consumed,
• Healthy, adequate nourishment is extremely necessary for women at these times. This is because both the pre-delivery and post-delivery periods are generally rather stressful for them, and
• For maintaining the desirable health conditions, minerals, proteins (that are easy to digest) and minerals should be consumed in adequate amounts.

It is also crucial to pay heed to some other important factors. Some such factors are:

* Thorough knowledge of one’s own body ? The period of ovulation in a woman is the ideal time for her to conceive a baby. Thus, she should be aware of the time of ovulation. There are, fortunately, many ways to find out what the time of ovulating would be. The ‘Post Ovulation Time’ (also termed the Luteal Phase) has to be estimated. This period, i.e., the time between ovulating and the date of commencement of the menstrual cycle, generally is fixed at 14 days in most women. The period starts after the length of the Luteal Phase, or 14 days after the occurrence of ovulation. There is an alternative way to find out the period of ovulation, which is based on the Basal Body Temperature method (i.e., the BBT technique). In this method, the temperature of the vagina is recorded by a specially-made BBT thermometer. This is done everyday in the morning. During the period of ovulation, this temperature rises significantly, and such increases can be easily tracked. For higher chances of conceiving a baby, sexual intercourse at these times is ideal.

* When does sexual union help in conception the most? ? This information is necessary, since it ensures that the sperms of the best quality enter the female body at the time of ovulation. Sperms should have quick reaction time when a woman ovulates. Hence, fresh sperm is required to be present in the body of the female immediately before ovulating. However, there may occur certain problems in the sperm of the males too. In such cases, men should not be releasing sperms, for a minimum of 3 days before the scheduled day of sexual union. These data is extremely important, in case you are wondering how to get pregnant.

* The ideal frequency of lovemaking for higher chances of conceiving ? Among other factors, a correct estimate of the ovulation period in women and the overall physique of men determine the ideal frequency of sexual union. There is a school of thought that, sperm count goes down, with a resultant weakening of the male sperm, if intercourse is held everyday. Conversely, others tend to think that the male sperm becomes ineffective, old and stale (with much lower potency) if it remains within the testicles, due to prolonged periods of abstinence. It is generally recommended that, sexual union, during the period of female ovulation, should be held about once in every 2 days.

In providing my expert conception advice and tips, my aim is to provide holistic solutions to the question of how to get pregnant. Such an approach helps to gain an insight about the inner workings of our body, and the reasons for not conceiving earlier. It also comes up with several usable solutions to this problem, including medicines and herbs of Chinese origin as well as changes in eating habits and overall lifestyle. Suitable exercise methods and, if required, acupuncture is also recommended. Unlike the conventional methods, the holistic approach has no adverse side effects, and has a much higher chance of providing the desired results. Hence, in these cases, holistic approach works much better than conventional ways.

This article is based on the book, “Pregnancy Miracle” by Lisa Olson. Lisa is an author, researcher, nutritionist and health consultant who dedicated her life to creating the ultimate pregnancy solution guaranteed to permanently reverse the root of infertility, help you get pregnant quickly and naturally and dramatically improve the overall quality of your life, without the use of prescription medication and without any surgical procedures. Learn more by visiting her website where you will find more expert conception advice and tips:
Pregnancy Miracle.

I believe, preparing for childbirth is an essential part of the delivery process. So, I thought I would start writing about the birth experiences of my children, and I have eleven of them to share.

So, if you’re queasy, or made uneasy, about any issues involving childbirth, then maybe you should stop here.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll start with my most recent birth and work my way backwards.

I’ve had ten vaginal births, one pain relief assisted vaginal birth (my very first) and my last birth is an elective caesarean section. Although on reflection I regret this decision, but without having experienced this alternative form of birth I would have no insight, but more on this later.

My first birth was a little different. But the nine that followed were a walk in the park, almost no drama deliveries.

Ieremia in his blue scrubs for Tiana's birth a c-section

Part of the reason they were easy births, is because I have a routine in preparing for childbirth with all my deliveries.

In most cases, the births have been at night, or more so, the wee hours of the morning.

And it usually starts like this …

I would wake up from a sleep, with twinges, those first contractions. I would get up and walk around a bit to ensure I am in fact in labour.

And, after confirming a few more contractions, I automatically do the following:

1. Have a bowel movement

When I first carried my eldest, I was told a story of how a woman had given birth and soiled herself during the process. Apparently this is quite common due to the pressure on one’s bowel, when the baby comes through the birth canal. But there is absolutely no way that I wanted this to happen to myself.

I was also told that in the days of my mother’s pregnancies, that an enema was sometimes given to women giving birth to clear their bowels out. I believe this practice no longer exists, for I have never been offered this option.

This is the main reason I have a bowel movement before EVERY delivery. And thanks to that first part of my routine, I have never had an issue with soiling myself.

It’s a personal choice to control this part of my delivery. But in having done so, I don’t really know if there is a big difference in having soiled myself or not, since there are so many other fluids that come out during the birth process.

2. Shower

It’s extremely important to me to be clean during my delivery. From head to toe. Infact my hair is usually still wet after I give birth, purely because before I deliver baby, I bun it up, and after delivery, I let it down.

I also have an extremely sensitive nose, inherited from my mother I believe. Although it is common during pregnancy to have a sensitive nose, I have one when I’m not pregnant.

3. Ensure I have all my things packed and ready for the hospital

I have an after birth routine, usually within an hour of delivery, so I need to make sure I have a change of clothes, all my toiletries, change of clothes for baby, snacks, books, paper and pen. I would’ve prepared most if not all of these about two weeks to three weeks before due date.

There is a whole list of things that I compile and take with me, to the hospital, in preparing for childbirth, but most important of all is a CD player, and of course my birth CD.

I have a CD recording of a compilation of music (songs as well as instrumentals). These would be songs that were soothing or favourites during this pregnancy. I have one of these CD’s(initally they were cassette tapes)for each and every birth.

In one of my pregnancies, Ieremia asked if I could have the baby to a specific song. He even recorded it in the middle of the CD, like track 8 out of 18 total tracks.

As corny as it sounds, as he played that CD, those earlier songs were soothing, and helped me prepare for the birthing moment, and when I heard that particular song, I knew it was time. This helped me start pushing out my baby.

Nowadays, one would probably have an ipod, or another mp3 player handy, make a playlist, which one would play in the backround. It really sets a tone. Like anxious anticipation, yet calming at the same time. For me, having music take the edge off, in the birthing room helps me so, so, much ease into the birth, which enables me to have one of my life’s beautiful experience, even moreso.

4. Ring the midwife

It’s a requirement to ring the Midwife before going to the Hospital, and in most cases they will meet me there. But I have had a couple of occasions where the Midwife has come home first to check my progress.

It’s usually very nice to have a familiar face when I arrive at the Hospital.

5. Wake up the new Daddy to be.

Because most of my deliveries are in the early hours of the morning, I will usually go about my routine first and then wake up the new Daddy. He needs his sleep because there’s a long journey ahead. Usually it gives him time to get his bits ‘n’ pieces together, get his bearings, and doing the last minute, quick check before we leave; ensuring we have everything before we leave.

6. Leave for the Hospital

I had always wanted a home birth, but never quite got the courage up to have one. I’m a bit of a “Worry Willy” when it comes to issues after the delivery. I’ve often been told by my Midwives that I should’ve given birth at home, due to the fact that the births are not only trouble free but also fast. But for me it’s the extra security of being at the hospital should any medical emergency arrive during, or especially after the delivery.

So, there it is.

This routine has served me well, like absolute clockwork. And it has varied very little.

I think there has only been one change. It was once to item number 4. And that was when I gave birth in America. Only because a midwife wasn’t assigned to me, as it is automatically done for me here. I just turned up to the hospital, and a whole cast of characters, of up to 7 or 8 professionals in what looked like space suits, helped me bring out my 6th child, in what seemed to me the most cold and sterile environment I’ve ever experienced.

To be sure, I’ll write more on this later.

And it must be said, I love giving birth here in New Zealand.

Ieremia agrees.

So, there goes a little peek into what I do in preparing for childbirth, that makes delivery a little easier for me.

The start of that routine, up to the delivery of baby, has taken us as little as an hour(especially since I live 7 minutes from hospital, by car), but it’s usually like an hour and a half to two.

Much like after the baby is born, a set routine can make what can be a difficult task, manageable, and for me, easy.

I am certain, that this is also major contributing factor to and why, I, as well as Ieremia, enjoy having our babies.

I’ll go into more in-depth details, especially managing pain, as I describe each individual delivery.

Nearly a month ago I had the pleasure of being part of the Parenting Panel for the Good Morning Show and the discussion was around the hows and whys of family size.

I definitely have an opinion on this topic but I think that being part of a panel enables a set of opinions that can be diverse but well rounded. I feel I was able to impart my feelings towards this topic but also felt that I didn’t articulate myself as well as I could have due being put “on the spot” via live television.

On review of the panel discussion I can honestly say that there were only 2 topics that I wished to expand further on and 1 faux pas, that I have since apologized for, to Lisa O’Neill the Gluten Free Fairy. I think it was more of a blubber before speaking than a faux pas.

This is the beauty of having a website, where I am able to rewind, rewrite and explain.

The first comment that I would like to expand on is that “we never struggle financially”. What I meant to say is that we don’t struggle financially because of having 11 children; we do however have moments that we juggle/struggle due to our own mismanagement of our funds. Our financial wizardry or lack thereof is due to our errors, not the fact that we have 11 children.

Second of all, was the comment of not using hand-me-downs. We do not use hand-me-downs from children over the age of 3, however, we gladly and thankfully accept 2nd hand clothing when offered. We do have family, friends and friends of family who have offered bulk lots of clothes.

You may ask what is the difference and to me the difference is this; hand-me-downs are when an older child within our family hands down a piece of clothing to a younger sibling and this piece of clothing continues to be handed down to the next, etc, etc. 2nd hand clothing is good quality, pre-loved clothing, not something worn by an older sibling before you. And then there is sharing clothes, of which happens often in our household, but this is a choice of each individual child and is a topic in itself to possibly be blogged at a later date.

I wanted to articulate the fact that I believe in each child’s individuality. This can be expressed through their own dress sense and of the knowing that an item of clothing is theirs. Prior to the age of 2-3, a child is usually not able to express their own dress sense or ownership of an item. So I have used hand-me-downs for some but not all of my children from birth to approximately 3 years of age.

What does irk me to furious frustration, are those that have families, whether they be large or small, where there isn’t adequate means for providing for their children. Either, financially, emotionally, physically, or spiritually. Moreover the parents that have no intention of planning for the current children they do have, let alone the ones they would continue to have.

I have heard of some horror stories in this area, to the point where some parents have had children to collect extra financial/welfare assistance from the government. I believe that most people in the developed world have heard the same stories.

It makes my stomach churn to hear such stories. Children are not a commodity, and should not be treated as such. Each child is their own individual being and should have the opportunity to extend their abilities, creativity and personality to infinity and beyond, if that is what they choose. As parents we should aspire to providing these opportunities and lessons in our children’s lives.

But enough rantings about “how to make a poor decision in having a new child”.

Being the Mother of 11, I wanted to project that the decision on how many children one has is determined by a number of risk factors. And, to have 11 children versus 1 child is no reflection on a Mother or her ability to be a Mother. My very own opinion is that the number of children is not a risk factor in and of itself. It is how any child, regardless of their placing in the family is nurtured, loved, supported and raised. However, some of the following points will impact family size decisions

• Previous pregnancy and delivery experience / Medical Conditions

If the first pregnancy and/or delivery had been problematic, some may choose to count their blessings that they have one child and to not continue on. For some this may occur at a 2nd, 3rd or 4th child, for me it was after 10 vaginal births (9 of which were drug free). Number 11 was physically, mentally and emotionally draining and I opted for an elective caesarean. There is always the possibity that there is a medical condition which may prohibit further births.

• Finances

The standard of living that one enjoys is a major consideration for the addition of another child. From a personal perspective, this has never had a great bearing on whether I would have more children. Majorly due to the fact that I have learnt of what is absolutely essential for a newborn child without breaking the bank. (A list of which I will detail in the very near future). My focal point in having our new baby is to provide a secure, healthy, happy and safe environment for each child. I must stress here that prior to the age of about 3, maybe as early as 2, a child isn’t able to determine what label, even a style, or an amount it cost to clothe them. I am very partial to hand-me-downs/2nd hand clothing prior to this age as the practicality of the items far outweighs my desire to be a trendy or fashionable parent. I have never thought of any of my children as a fashion accessory. However, for those that have the disposable income, there is nothing wrong with providing the best of your abilities. That’s what counts, providing the best of your abilities with the finances that you have.

• Family Support

It has been said, and written, that “it takes a village to raise a child”, and I must admit, my children have had their fair share of “village” input. I would use the Samoan definition of that village as being my family and extended family. And for some couples isolation from a family unit can hinder one from extending their family. This is understandable, but for others they are able to build a family unit from friends or other non-relatives. For me, having my parents, brothers and sisters, along with their individual families, and their continual familial support, has made it that much easier for me to accept a new addition into my brood.

• Age

In these developed times the average birthing age has increased. I find myself being surrounded by many women in their first pregnancy at the age of 30-35 and some older. By the age of 30 I had given birth to 6 children, and completed my family at the age of 38. Age is a determining factor for those older mothers, as their biological clocks may only allow for a certain number of pregnancies. However, due to recent technology, the risk factors for even these mothers have been lowered, and the world can be found to have mothers, some even first time mothers, still giving birth in their 50’s and 60’s.

• Experiences in raising your child/children

I am no Scientist but I do know this much … had I given birth to my first 2 children 11 months apart in my initial pregnancies, or even possibly a multiple birth, I may very well have not had 11 children. For some it comes down to purely and simply, how they coped with raising the first child or their experiences in dealing with the first child. It may have been a highly stressful situation, the child may have been sick, it may have been a multiple birth, but for whatever reason there was a personal decision made that the number of current children you have is all the time, patience and resources you are able to muster for that number.

But luckily for me, I experienced this only in my last pregnancy. So I have enjoyed to the full extent, the joy of giving birth to each of my 11 children, and am now enjoying watching them grow in their own time, in their own way, into wonderful little human beings.

So in closing, the number of children one should have, would in my opinion always be determined by your own unique set of personal circumstances. What I do recommend however, is that should one decide to have a large family, I cannot impress more that one should do this with the full knowledge that it will be extremely satisfying!!

And that satisfaction will be tempered, but nevertheless, worthwhile, because it came with an equal amount of blood, sweat, tears, tantrums and 2 huge helpings of patience.

Love each and everyone of your children with your all, regardless of the number you have. The world is so much more better when a child is raised to contribute to that world, instead of fighting against it.

Good luck with whatever you may decide and always feel free to contact us for a yarn or 2 or 3.

After having given birth to 11 children, I think I have a pretty good gauge on what would be the ideal difference in age between children.

It is often asked of me as to how I made the age gap determination and what decisions played the biggest part in having another child.

The age difference between my eldest and youngest is 17 years, however, it is not this difference in age between the youngest and eldest children that causes much of an issue, it is more so the difference in age between each individual child.

The 2 oldest and the 2 youngest

So, starting from my eldest to the youngest the difference in age between children goes a little something like this:

Number 1 – Number 2 = 23 months
Number 2 – Number 3 = 14 months
Number 3 – Number 4 = 3 years, 8 months
Number 4 – Number 5 = 17 months
Number 5 – Number 6 = 23 months
Number 6 – Number 7 = 20 months
Number 7 – Number 8 = 20 months
Number 8 – Number 9 = 20 months (is there a pattern forming here ;P)
Number 9 – Number 10 = 21 months
Number 10 – Number 11 = 11 months

One would think, that from the numbers above, the ideal difference in age between children most definitely goes to the 20-23 month period. I definitely feel, that this time gap ensured I had a full recovery from the previous pregnancy for I was able to get a consistent routine between children.

The 20 Month age gap Club

By the time I found myself pregnant again, I was fully able to dedicate myself to the newborn, which is very important to me, and the transition for the newborn, into the family, and vice versa, was made extremely easy.

This time lapse, also enabled us to still provide a lot of quality time to my elder children, especially the child immediately preceding the newborn, to lessen any unwanted sibling rivalry or jealousy. From my experience, at 20-23 months, most children are learning their own independence and although this is usually an introduction to the terrible two’s I can confidently say that this did not create too much drama for our household.

All in all, I favour this difference in age between children purely for the fact that there is not too much of a gap where children find communicating or playing with each other difficult. There are still moments of growth that each is able to share, experience and discover with their immediately older or younger as well as other siblings.

Having detailed above, the easier spacing to deal with between children, the not so difficult and yet not so easy range would have to be 14-17 months. At this stage, patience for the parent can be a little strained, but with the tried and true routine, I still believe this age gap is manageable. This time usually indicates for me, the end to bottles and an introduction to the toddler years. This is where walking leads to running and the discovery of one’s other senses, through increased mobility. This can be a trying age for the parent, especially when your 14-17 month doesn’t quite comprehend all instructions as adequately as an almost 2 year old. Definitely not a walk in the park for the child either.

17 Months Apart

And these trying times show up for parent and 14-17 month child especially when you are trying to feed the newborn child. It was for me.

I suggest that if your toddler is awake during feeding times for your newborn that you sit the toddler down quietly beside you to share some reading time. I try to have the toddler turn the pages while I read the pages. I even make up a playful story as the pages are flicked in the “no set order”. The toddler will assume or engage them in blocks. There is also creative hand play where I have comment on the activities at hand while continuing to concentrate on providing a relaxed feeding time for baby. I’ve used this time to tell tall stories about our family, or silly stories about how my room is my castle.

15 Months apart

I truly want to say to enjoy the moments as much as possible and try to include your 14-17 month old in the daily routine of with the newborn so there is a sense of belonging and role of importance for your toddler.

I also need to touch on the more than 3 year gap. I also have a 3 year gap between my older sister and I, and I believe this difference in age between children may be hard to gauge. From experience, the age gap was very challenging for me. I felt as if I always wanted to do what my older sister was doing but felt restrained due to being 3 years her junior. However, the contrast I have with my own children is that my daughter is 3 years older than her younger brother and this doesn’t seem to have been a major issue, so I guess the gender of your child can play a major part in the difference in age between children.

I’m sure I’ll write more in detail about the 3 year gap in the days to come.

At the complete other end of the spectrum is the less than 12 month period. I strongly believe that had I endured an 11 month period between any of my earlier births, I may not have had so many children.

Truth. And Ieremia tells me the same thing.

The 11 month period between my number 10 and 11 was and is extremely difficult. Keeping in mind that I have a wealth of knowledge, tips and tricks from 10 previous children, yet, we were still not prepared for the 11 month gap.

11 Months apart has been very challenging

This, inability to deal with the closeness in difference in age between our last 2 kids, came as quite a surprise to the both of us. I say this because, Ieremia and I(actually Ieremia more than I, lol) had always, from every single pregnancy, wanted twins or a multiple birth. But after having Troy (number 10) and Tiana (number 11) so close in age, we have a new respect for parents of multiple births.

Ieremia currently refers to these two, not as affectionately, as his “twins”.

It became a daily struggle to manage both, since both newborn and toddler needed the same, if not exact, attention and time. Initially it was slightly easier to cope with the situation, since both of us were at home, and each had a wee one to manage. It was almost “business as usual” up until I returned to work. This is when Tiana was 3 months old, but this left Ieremia caring for both babies at home, and I know he has some fond stories of these times, to share with you all.

From my experience the 11 month and under gap is extreme and possibly not something I would recommend unless of course you had alot of support from your partner and/or family during the first 18 months.

To be sure, Ieremia and I have new found respect for those that have twins or more. We beleive if twins were born either in the first or second pregnancy, I would be a proud mother of 2 maybe 3 kids by now.

When all is said and done I truly believe that there are many contributing factors to whether there is an ideal difference in age between children but based on my experience I would have to stick to the 20 month and above gap. I truly have found that this ideal age gap contributed heavily in allowing me to continue to have found balance in time, efforts and support for all of my children in my life.

As it has been said before: “proof is in the pudding”

What are your thoughts? Is there an age gap i’ve missed that you would like me to address? Maybe the 18 year age gap between my eldest and youngest. Leave me your thoughts, questions or discussion points below.

Have you got your cup of coffee?

Okay, so let’s get right into it … Labour and Delivery, well at least Labour and “Labor Pain Management” .

I’m absolutely positive I won’t be able to cover everything in this post alone, but I’m sure we can make a start.

From a personal perspective I’d have to say that my preference is Labour and the “Labour Pain Management” side of things, delivery has not always been my strongest point although some of my Midwives would probably disagree.

20 Minutes before Number 6 was born

I guess the first thing I should address is what is Labor? I’m sure you could Google that reference and get many explanations, but for me, it has to be simple and easy to understand, so my definition for Labour would be the hard work that your body does so that you may deliver your baby. Of course, I’m assuming that a vaginal delivery will be the outcome, although, women having unplanned caesarean sections can attest to experiencing those same Labour pains.

In terms of the feeling of Labour pains, I’d have to say that for me the experience has been like period pains but more intense. Almost like someone has grabbed a section just above my pubic bone and is squeezing it with all their might at regular intervals. I believe that’s why labor pains are also called contractions, because they squeeze in, well contract. I have heard of pain also being felt in the lower back or at the tops of the thighs. But from personal experience it’s the lower stomach and just above the bikini line.

I remember when I went into labour with my first son asking my older sister, Caroline, during the early stages of Labor, I was getting fairly mild twinges, “ummm, is this as bad as it gets?”, she looked at me reassuringly and said “yes”. What a lie!! That was around 3pm in the afternoon sitting outside McDonalds, eating burgers; I gave birth at 11.45pm that night. I was in labour for almost 26 hours with my eldest son, from the very first twinges to delivery.

Labour and delivery can be a beautiful process

But moving along … My 5 biggest tips for managing the pain of Labor are:

1. Change your focus / Refocus

Instead of waiting for each and every contraction to arrive, distract yourself. I’ve found that doing something that preoccupies my mind works a treat, like the tried and true house cleaning. Pull out the mop and start cleaning those floors. Spring cleaning during labour works wonders.

You may also want to find a focal point like a set of pictures that you get lost in.

Another great tip when contractions become stronger and closer together is at the beginning of the contraction to focus on your clenched fist, tense your whole body up at the same time and as you slowly open your fist, relax your entire body with the action. Imagine that your whole body is becoming limp as you start to unclench each individual finger slowly. By the time your whole fist is open, the contraction would have past.

I’ve even used Ieremia to refocus, trusting that he will do all that I need by just looking at him. Magically, or is that miraculously, he does. He speaks to me when I need to converse, stays quiet when I need the silence and panders to all my needs with what appears to be a hidden psychic ability. I’m sure some of you may have experienced the same connection with your partners during labour. Or maybe the messages from my own mind are so bent on refocusing that everything is as I need it to be.

2. Keep Active

If possible, and it’s not going to be medically detrimental to you or your baby to be born, stay as upright and active as possible. You may want to walk around to take the edge off your contractions. While you are walking relax your vaginal muscles.

I’ve also found that dancing is a great way to take your focus off the pain of the contractions. Gentle jiggling, swaying side to side.

You may also want to rock backwards and forwards over the back of a seat.

3. Listen To Soothing Or Relaxing Music

I think music is one of my most favourite for helping me to relax and refocus. During my pregnancy I experiment with different types of music and keep a note of what best works for me. I then compile a CD of that favourite Music to play as I labour.

Music has been a vital part of any of my deliveries. So much so that some Midwives, Doctors and Specialists have not believed I am close to delivery because I am so calm, but on checking they are hugely surprised … she’s fully dilated!! Which means that my body is ripe and ready to start pushing my baby out.

Music transcends all, and if you can allow yourself to be taken away with your favourite beats and rhythms and get lost in the pain, then by all means do so! Singing is a great release, no one will care about the tune, but you will feel energized.

4. Take A Bath Or Shower

Water is extremely soothing during labour. I usually shower not long before delivery. It can be as long as a couple of hours before delivery and as short as 30 minutes before delivery. The sensation of the warm water pelting down on your stomach is incredibly relieving.

I’ve done a combination of showering, listening to music, singing and dancing while in labour. Anything to take the focus off the pain.

I believe water births are quite common these days. Not something that I had considered or ventured to do, but I can relate to why they are so popular.

5. Go With The Pain

Often when we experience pain our first reaction is to tense up. This infact can intensify the pain. There has been a great amount of fear when I have laboured and delivered, but once I get to a point where I just go with the pain, it all melts away and everything becomes more manageable.

If you find yourself at this point, just accept that the pain is part of the process to bring your baby into the world and the reward is that you will very soon see your baby. Relax your entire body, starting from your shoulders, right down to the muscles of your vagina, and visualise your baby easily being delivered. You’ll be holding your baby soon. Focus on the outcome, not the pain.

I know it may be hard for you to visualise, but the pain will only be for a short time, compared to the years of joy that your child will bring you.

Almost ready to deliver

So there you go, those are my top 5 tips for managing the pain of childbirth.

I use a mantra during my most intense contractions, just before I will deliver my baby and that mantra is, usually said just under my breath or to myself “My baby is going to be here soon, just a little while longer”.

During the labour of my first baby I opted for Gas and a Pethidine (also known as Demerol) injection, once my son was delivered he was a bit jittery and when I asked my Doctor why he was this way she told me it was due to the side effects of the Pethidine.

The Pethidine is supposed to numb or dull the contractions and is administered, at that time, 1990, by an injection to the buttocks.

The Gas is given through a mask that you cover your face with, and you are able to turn increase or decrease the flow to yourself. I found that the gas made me feel nauseous and I at one stage felt that I was stuck to the roof.

I have since had 9 of my births without any pain relief due to the above experience. I’m better for it, my children have been better for it.

A woman’s body is made to carry and deliver children, it’s a function of our anatomy and I think if natural ways and options of coping with the pain are provided then the need for drugs becomes unnecessary.

During my delivery in America, it seemed almost routine that an Epidural or some form of drug relief would be required and they were preparing me for this while I laboured. I had already told Ieremia to ensure I was not administered any pain relief, even if I insisted on it and thankfully he ensured this did not occur.

And so that brings me to the end of my first blog on dealing with labour pain, I had hoped to touch also on delivery, but that’s for another day.

Once again, if you should have any questions, please feel free to email me – roseanne at 4my11kids.com. (Due to spambots I have had to remove the @ symbol for my email address, but more on this another time).