Sharing Our Experiences

Keeping with this weeks theme “QUIT SMOKING”, I’m dedicating the rest of this week to providing information, tips and support on how to quit smoking cold turkey. Almost all of these details are from my own experiences but please feel free to provide me with your own personal tips or suggestions.

For those that aren’t familiar with the term cold turkey, that method of quitting is by just stopping, no longer smoking, going from your 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 – 50 cigarette habit a day to absolutely ZERO.

Ive tried many methods to quit smoking but all in all have found that the issue isnt the decision to stop or the act of stopping but the relapse. In other words being unable to stay quit. That seems to be the one obstacle if any, to stay a non smoker.

Fast Tube by Casper

Its been 2 years since I decided to quit and although I still think about smoking, or even miss smoking, its never been enough to return to the habit. MY life is so much more better without the cigarettes. I exercise more, I spend more time with my children, I spend more time with Ieremia and I spend more time doing the things I love to do like writing.

When I was a smoker I had almost lost the desire to write thinking that I needed to have that fag hanging out of the side of my mouth while I tapped away at the keys. I was so addicted that I couldn’t get passed the fact that I couldn’t smoke while writing so just decided not to write. I’m passionate about writing, I always have been but I let smoking get the better of me and stopped doing one of the things I love most. I robbed myself of the magic moments that my words create for me but luckily I have made 2 of the best decisions in my life, firstly to quit smoking and secondly to write again.

Life is good!!

I started smoking in my early teens and at first it was because I wanted to be part of a group and it seemed that the only way I would fit is if I would smoke. And so the addiction began. At first I would just puff but not inhale the cigarette but after my peers complained about me wasting their cigarettes I started to inhale. I was addicted; hook, line and sinker. Before long I started to use my pocket money to contribute towards packs of cigarettes with my friends and eventually started buying my own packs. All this before I even turned 15.

My parents are both non smokers and so it wasn’t like we had been bought up around cigarettes. However, we did have Aunties and Uncles that smoked and of course there was our Granddad, he was an absolute train .. smoked incredibly heavily and died of emphysema because of it.

I hid the fact I smoked for a long time from my parents and it wasn’t until I got caught smoking at school, that my parents had the opportunity to address my smoking.

They discouraged smoking vehemently, but regardless of what they said I wasn’t quitting, I didn’t want to quit, I was way too cool and grown up to give up something that was all about me.

I smoked heavily for 25 years.

Over that time I tried many times to quit, unsuccessfully. The one thing I have learnt from those experiences is that it boils down to a few things:

* making a solid decision to quit
* putting a plan into place to avoid relapse
* rewarding yourself for your daily achievements
* creating a support network to encourage your efforts
* getting on with your everyday life
* making a commitment to living a healthier lifestyle

As the week progresses I will go more in-depth into the above and provide more steps for your success as a non smoker.

I am so convinced that my life has become better as a non smoker that I have even setup a website to support those on their journey to becoming and staying a non smoker. Check our quit smoking website out here.

Fuelled by the pitter patter of little feet as I go through my daily emails, I decided to write a post on an increasingly growing industry, MUMpreneurs and WAHMs (Work At Home Mums).

As I get older I regulary feel the responsibility to practice what I preach and to not just preach to my children. This has become even more so highlighted with my growing teenagers who are now looking to find their futures whether in higher education or employment.

My desire has always been to do what is best for my family, I worked in the IT industry for over 16 years purely because it was able to provide me a level of income that would adequately support my family. However, my passion has always been to write and most recently, to be a bigger part of my childrens everyday lives.

Late October I took the leap and decided that I had to do what was in my heart. I have often told my children the same, to find their passion and to be true to that passion and everything else will fall in to place. So to not be the hypocrit, I resigned from my job and have now become a MUMpreneur/WAHM.

The first hurdle that I had to overcome was the fear of the unknown, once I conquered this, everything became so much more clearer. I just took the leap, didnt even close my eyes, did it with my eyes wide open!! As I sit at the desk of my home office and look outside at the beautiful day and listen to the laughter of my children as they shower with their Dad, I feel a huge sense of achievement and contentment that I did not feel in my previous career and I truely feel blessed.

I found that when I finally made the decision to resign that the biggest contributing factor to my reluctance was finances. How do I continue to support my children financially? It may seem hard to believe but the amount of options that I found so that I could achieve my goal of working from home, were astounding, they just came in a flood of inspiration. I look at my office wall and have so many options I wonder why I did not take the leap earlier and rely on the many skills I already have. I took what I love to do, writing, and came up with as many options as I could that would enable me to have an income that would sustain my family.

Ive always been a risk taker, I like to think of those risks as somewhat calculated, but i’m also impulsive and it is these two things that helped me arrive at the wonderful decision I made a few weeks ago … to give up the day job and do what was in my heart.

The view from my office

Once you’ve decided you want to quit smoking, the most hardest part isnt stopping but staying smoke free. I still struggle with the occassional pangs and i’ve been smokefree now for 2 years.

I want to share with you all a set of advertisements that we did for the Quit Group, where Ieremia and I chronicled (I like that word) our journey to be smoke free on Television.

For us it was a great success and we hope that we provided some inspiration to those seeking the same journey.

We’re currently working on another blogsite that focuses on the quit smoking aspect and hoping this will be a great resource for “How To Help Someone Stop Smoking”. As with this site its all about the support and having someone to ask your questions or even a place to share your own tips and advice.

Although I have lots of advice to provide on a number of topics including my experience with quit smoking, the likes of the Facebook, Bebo, MySpace explosion have made it socially acceptable to share your views on a number of topics through these different social networks and through like the likes of blogs, forums and websites … enter 4my11kids.com.

It has been one of the best decisions I have ever made to quit smoking and I to this day have no regrets, even though I still experience the occassional temptation, its not enough to start again!!

I AM SMOKEFREEEEEE BABY!! *giggles*

Have an opinion? Looking for answers? Leave your comments/suggestions in the space below.

Looking for support now? Click on this link to view How To Stop Smoking Cold Turkey.

Here we go, ive finally decided to give my 2 cents worth on the whole smacking debacle and my answer will be a resounding NO.

In terms of elabborating on my vote for this referendum, i’ll be very brief but the main reason why I wont be voting YES:

Beating can kill children, smacking is not akin to the word beating.

In the extreme cases where parents or family members have severely abused or even killed their children through beating them, a YES would only serve a purpose if the perpetraitor were caught.

What should be addressed here is the behaviour BEFORE it gets to the stage of beating.

Take the question at face value … and for me there is no confusion or incoherent connotations to the question … plain and simple it reads …. Should a smack as part of good parental correction be a criminal offence in New Zealand?

And my interpretation is as the question reads … If you smack your child as a way of providing good parental correction, should this be deemed a criminal offence in New Zealand? Same difference, just stated differently, but in short thats they way I perceive the question.

Beating is a different term to smacking … time out is a different term to beating … I think what needs to be clarified is yet again the meaning of the term smacking. Once that is defined and compared to the meaning of the term beating, then it is clear to see that the argument here is not one that should be had.

I am not a God fearing person, what I fear is what could happen to my children if I wasnt to address their unwanted behaviour by way of smacking:

• To bring attention to a behaviour that will not be tolerated or will endanger their wellbeing
• To address a behaviour that is not tolerated but still displayed

Usually discussing the issue resolves the problem, however, on the rare occasion where it does not, a smack is involved.

I am fully able to understand why the whole anti-smacking circus was bought up for debate, but I think that what was being targeted is not being addressed through the likes of this referendum.

Some food for thought … if we werent to smack … what would we as parents do to address unwanted or dangerous behaviour that wasnt being addressed by alternative methods??

Why bring sexy back to your relationship you may ask?

Today it goes without saying that we strive to juggle. As Mothers, sisters, daughters and nieces, we have a role to play which at times can hugely impact our time as lovers and wives. The fine balancing act that we have to ensure we help everyone’s lives fall into the exact places that they want … but what about you?

In essence do you find yourself getting caught up with all the many hats you’re required to wear? I know I do.

And eventually something in your life suffers.

In all honesty that something is usually the relationship you share with your significant other and especially your sexual relationship.

With our busy lives we often don’t take the time to take that breather, and reflect on what it is that we require as women. What it is that we need to feel feminine in ways that we can only create with our significant others?

I’m challenging you right this moment to stop what it is you are doing for the next 15 minutes, complete reading this article and then take action. Don’t just read these great tips and then wish for the day that you could use them … today you are in complete control of how you can bring sexy back into your life.

Let me help you get those creative juices flowing with my 5 top tips to bring sexy back. You easily feel sexy at will:

1. Assault your senses with what makes you feel sexy

You and only you know what it is that makes you feel sexy. Sexy is a state of mind, a feeling, of which only you know when it is happening. When you feel sexy, your complete self exudes that very emotion and every pore of your body screams it.

That is the beginning and everything else will fall into place.

Maybe it’s the scent of your favorite perfume wafting delicately and teasingly into your nostrils. Possibly it’s the risqué and playful lingerie only you can feel close to your skin, that you are wearing beneath your work attire. Perhaps melodic tunes that get you into the right groove … listen to those seductive beats and rhythms.

Is it credible to say that a handful of almonds or a smattering of avocado to taste will be more than scientific aphrodisiacs?

It could even be as simple as taking a photo of you and your lover immediately after the throws of passion and viewing this picture to take you back to that place and time.

2. Be flirtatious with your significant other

Now that you are feeling sexy, lets amp it up just a little bit more. If you have been neglecting the love in your life, it will be a pleasant surprise to be that little bit more playful and suggestive. When your partner knows that the jungle drums are beating, their primal reaction will assist you to bring sexy back. Send an email … leave a ‘post it’ on the bathroom mirror … what about a note into their wallet … or put a pair of your panties into one of his pockets.

3. Make up your all important list.

You need reminders.

Whether they be listed in your appointment book ,diary, excel spreadsheet, cell phone, blackberry, or even a password protected document …you need to write a list of what sexy is to you. The purpose of this list is to remind you, or even prompt you of how you can quickly and easily bring sexy back, point by point on your list.

As women, I know different days bring different emotions, have your list adapt to these days and even if you have a list of 50-100 things … ensure you have a top 10 that will have you feeling and remembering the sexy woman you are within minutes.

4. Let your sexy be determined by you and only you

It is all too easy to seek someone’s advice to clarify or confirm you’re sexy. In most instances we will leave this to our loving others to provide us with this type of feedback … WRONG.

Take a big, huge, permanent marker and strike that off the list this very second!

You and only you will determine whether to bring sexy back and you will be the only one that can control that switch that says … YES!!! I AM APHRODITE IN PHYSICAL FORM!

Remember, you are the only one that knows when you are at your sexiest. You are the only one in control of your sexy-meter. Every other bit of attention that enforces and reinforces what you already know is a bonus.

5. Bring in the cavalry for those special moments

Our memories are a wonderful tool and all too often we forget to reminisce as couples.

Remember to take that time to reminisce and reflect on the days of old, when you first met and all the major warm-fuzzy-feeling milestones you’ve traversed in your relationship.

Take the time to have just some you time. Ask family and friends to watch children if you have them. Get your roomie to bunk in with someone else for the weekend. Call in favors with friends, colleagues, family, neighbors and anyone else you can think of to ensure that at least once every 12 weeks you get to have your mind blowing moments, completely uninterrupted by the world.

There you have it, my 5 tips to help you bring sexy back into your life and relationship. If you’re looking for 500 more precious and secret tips, I strongly suggest that you click here.

With 11 children where do we find the time to ensure that everyone has their special time? Thankfully I’m able to say … the answer to that question is easy.

I can honestly say that Ieremia and I aren’t starved for quality time with each other and that each of our children doesn’t have a complex due to lack of quality time with each of us.

I may work full time but that doesn’t mean that I don’t work hard at maintaining the relationships that I have with both my children and Ieremia. It’s a fine balancing act but thanks to the support of my older children and especially Ieremia, I’m able to achieve most things, and even get to take the 14km ride on my bike to work each morning (weather permitting).

I’ve detailed below how I’m easily able to keep track of time with each of my children, and it brings excitement to each and every one of them knowing that they will be getting a couple of hours at least, just with Mum. During the day, they all interact with Ieremia and get their own quality time with him, but they do look forward to their individual one on one time with me, to catch up and just enjoy the moment. I too, am able to de-stress from a day’s work and wander off into the daily happenings or events of each child.

Quality time also enables me to make time for a child’s sporting or other activity events, where I don’t miss out on those magical growing up moments. Sometimes we spend time just watching a DVD together, or maybe play some games on the computer, other times are spent drawing pictures, going out for coffee or just grabbing a bite to eat together. It can also be as simple as just taking a walk together. Quality time is one on one time with each other.

Our Quality Timetable

Not only do I find the time to spend individual quality time with each child, we also ensure that each age group: Littlies (3-9 year olds), Tweens (9-12 year olds) and Teens (12-19 year olds) get to meet with me also. This ensures that I can see how they are doing as siblings, as well as individuals within their age group. Meeting notes are taken down in a Family meeting book, so that if Ieremia or I need to refer to something it’s all written down. We each take turns at writing down the events of our discussion or conversations and if at any time something has been missed out, a message can be left in the book for Ieremia and me to see. Usually they’re little notes like, I forgot to tell you I’m working from 5-7pm on Thursday night, or Mum I forgot to tell you I need some new pens. We all love these meetings and they can last between 30 minutes to 90 minutes, depending on what’s up for discussion at the time. Most meetings usually take about 30 minutes.

And then once a week we get together as a family to catch up with each other as a family. These are always on Sundays and usually dinner, followed by dessert and then our family meeting. With the teens and I working, we sometimes lose that weekly contact as a family. Mainly due to so many of us missing at different times of the day.

But we manage, and may I say so myself, we manage very well.

Family meetings always finish with a song. It could be a nursery song from Kindy, possibly a Samoan song taught from their Grandparents, or even a song that is learnt at school.

The timetable is not a “written in stone” type of timetable, there is still the flexibility of changing with someone if they have something special to share with me, or if they will be unavailable on that day. What is especially beautiful about our quality time is that Ieremia and I have guaranteed time together, where the children know that we want to spend time uninterrupted, usually we watch a DVD, close the door to our room and just enjoy the quiet or even go to the Gym together to work out. All the kids between 7-19 years of age work together when Ieremia and I have our alone time, and they usually watch their favourite DVDs, draw pictures or read.

I truly am blessed when it comes to my family. Thankfully I am able to easily find time for myself, my relationship and my children without too much stress involved. My days are definitely full and although some days may prove challenging, I’m up for the challenge, especially if it’s to ensure that each member of my family is being catered to.

Time is my most valuable asset.

Time with my children and family are a treasure, and I want to ensure I spend it wisely.

Yesterday Ieremia and I celebrated our Anniversary. It seems a lifetime away since we met.

We were part of the new Internet couple boom that hit in the 90’s. Back in those days the appropriate name for your significant other, found through the internet, was an Onliner. It makes me giggle now to think that Ieremia was once my Onliner.

I must admit we’ve had our moments as a couple. The beginnings of our relationship were unlike any other I had known, and unique for the time.

Did you know of anyone that would have flown all the way from Australia to America to meet their hearts desire? Without ever having physically met before?

Ieremia could have been an Axe Murderer for all I knew, but that thought never crossed my mind. I knew he was the One.

I don’t know how you would celebrate your Anniversary, or a similar occasion, but for me the following quoted text by Eleanor Roosevelt comes to mind:

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That is why they call it the present.

I have noticed that the world around us has become so focused with material possessions that I find people get lost in the gift giving and forget the occasion.

Have you ever found yourself caught up in the whole present buying, got to find the perfect gift mentality? I have. But after a while, I had to think about why I was so obsessed with getting the perfect gift.

So I broke it down, simplified it and then remembered why I was buying the gift … to celebrate the time that Ieremia and I have spent together in our relationship.

The gift is no longer relevant, the way we spend our days with each other and share our love with our children is.

Ieremia & Roseanne, Las Vegas - 1999

There are so many lessons in my relationship that I’ve made way more difficult then they need to be. But one thing that has been tried and true is this … you need to keep it simple. If you break it down into bite size portions, and deal with each portion, then the problem appears halved and not as daunting or complex as you first thought.

I think that marking the occasion is important. If we didn’t then we wouldn’t take the time to think and reflect on the years that have already passed. We would just take the moment for granted. That would be an opportunity lost to reminisce over the reasons you are still together and celebrating that very day.

With such a large family it is sometimes an ordeal to find quality time together, but we make the time.

It’s incredibly important for you too, to make time for each other.

Once again we get to Sunday, and another work week begins tomorrow.

I love my weekends, they give me the chance to relax and absorb the previous week.

I’ve had a pretty stressful and rewarding week. Two completely different ends of the emotion scale but nonetheless I guess most weeks have that potential.

As I write I can hear the laughter of my children and it reminds me of why life is worth living. The week’s events fade into a big black hole and I’m left with the reality of my life, the one constant – my family and children.

I started reading a very interesting book yesterday, and had a whole lot of “light bulb” moments. It’s strange how a few words can turn a switch in your brain that opens up a whole lot of other options and avenues that you had never considered before.

The book was the very popular, “What color is your parachute 2009”, by Richard N Bolles. From what I’ve read so far it pretty much tied up a whole lot of things that I’ve had unfinished over the past couple of months. I suggest you too read this book for clarity of not only your current aspirations but your goals for the future in terms of employment.

Infact, those “light bulb” moments expanded to Ieremia also and he has now set in motion a new course for his passion – American politics and American Sports.

So where you may ask is this post going?

As parents I feel that sometimes we get caught up in providing for our families that we don’t take the time to cater to ourselves. It’s about so much more than just dealing with the external. I too can have the same routine that ticks all the boxes for my external appearance. I wake up in the morning, shower, brush my teeth, pick out my clothes to wear to work, get dressed, leave for work, work, having morning tea, work, eat lunch, work, afternoon tea, work, come home, eat dinner, etc, I think you get the picture.

What we sometimes forget to do is to do the things that make us happy, that give us the freedom of spirit that we need to really soar.

Routine is all good and fine, but don’t you sometimes wish you woke up every morning with a renewed vigour for the coming day? I sure do and up until this year I’ve just gone through the routine of life, providing for my family, doing the things that get us through the day but never really reaching for that total piece of me. I get so caught up in making everyone else happy that I forget about the things that make me happy. I know as Mothers that this happens oh too often, infact I can say that for people in general.

Teach your children to be passionate

And my best advice to you is this … don’t let the life you love pass you by. Take the time today to really think about where you want to be in this life. What truly makes you happy? What you are truly passionate about.

I want to leave you with 11 tips on how I give myself that reality check that enables me to wake up each morning. I decided to go with the number 11 because of my children; however, I’ve learnt that to be able to impart passion to my children requires me to live passionately – daily.

So here are a few tips to start the creative juices flowing:

1. It’s not just waking up … it’s another day to create the life you love

2. Write down the 5 most things you love in this world, other than your children and significant other, and then write under these 5 things, why it is that you love these things.

3. If you are unhappy in your job, then take the first steps to changing that. What would make you happier in your job? How and who can you relay this to in order for it to change?

4. Have you ever had a moment that you wished you could do whatever? You fill in the gap. Reflect on that again and ask yourself why you never did it and how could you do it now. Really drill down into the nitty gritty. You may find that this is your passion.

5. So you wake up in the morning feeling the doom and gloom. Do something that will perk you up and carry you through the rest of the day. Start the morning with a bowl of ice-cream if that peps you up. Reflect on all the good things in your life. Don’t leave out that front door until you have your “happy face” on, inside and out.

6. At the other end of the day, make sure you fall asleep feeling happy with your day’s events. So you didn’t enjoy some of your day’s events, write down what would have been ideal for you, what would have made you smile instead of scowl. That way you’ve learnt how to better deal with a situation that doesn’t go your way at the time.

7. Walk or exercise without music. I love exercising or walking to music, however, try without music. The silence will be deafening but you will hear yourself think. For me these are times of clarity and crispness. I can almost touch the thoughts I’m having and mould them like clay.

8. Don’t stress over the things you have no control over. For example you’re stuck in a traffic jam, you’re going to be late for work, and you start to get frustrated at all the drivers on the road, especially the one that’s holding up all the traffic! Chilax (Chill and Relax), what would make the situation less stressful … do it, ring your boss, say you’re stuck in traffic and will be late, turn on your favourite tunes and sing the blues away. It’s that simple. And maybe tomorrow you’ll leave 15 minutes earlier. You might get stuck in traffic again, but you won’t be late for work.

9. Talk to your closest family and friends, not the fake ones that are envious of your achievements but the ones that will truly help you. Ask them what they think would have been your calling in life. What they see as your strengths. You’ll be surprised with the results.

10. Talk to a Life Coach. Do a Google search for “Life Coach” and contact one that gives you an initial free consultation. Check the Yellow Pages, or even ask for recommendations from friends and colleagues. The advice and coaching will cost you but the rewards will be well worth it. Life Coaches are experts in their fields, therefore find a reputable one.

11. Read 4my11kids.com. That’s a blatant plug, my intention exactly but if the information was of value to you then I know there is so much more I have to share with you.

Don’t go another day without trying to find the life you love. START TODAY!!