Sharing Our Experiences

By Simon Collins
4:00 AM Wednesday May 5, 2010

New Zealand is still one of the best places in the world to be a mother, says a new report.

Save the Children’s annual Mother’s Day report says the average Kiwi woman will have 20 years of formal education and live to age 82, with almost all having health professionals present when they give birth.

By contrast in the worst place in the world for mothers, Afghanistan, a typical woman will have only four years of formal schooling and die by age 44, and only one in seven has a health professional present in childbirth.

But the report places Australia and four Nordic countries ahead of us on key measures such as maternal deaths in childbirth.

New Zealand’s overall ranking is also dragged down by a high death rate of six out of every 1000 children before the age of 5 – the same as in Australia but roughly twice the death rates of three or four in 1000 in Norway, Iceland, Sweden and Denmark.

The rankings are based on a weighted average of children’s wellbeing and women’s status in health, education, income and politics.

An Auckland obstetrician and gynaecologist who chairs an official committee on maternal and infant mortality, Professor Cindy Farquhar, said her committee found that our perinatal child death rate, between 20 weeks of pregnancy and one week after childbirth, was comparable with Australia and Britain, which was rated overall 14th-best place for mothers.

Our maternal death rate of 17 women for every 100,000 giving birth is quoted in the report as more than twice Australia’s rate of 7.5 and higher than in all but 11 out of 43 developed countries.

But Professor Farquhar said these figures were based on a very small number of actual maternal deaths – just 11 at last count in 2007.

TOP 10

Places for mothers, 2009 rank in brackets:

1 Norway (2)

2 Australia (3)

3= Iceland (4)

3= Sweden (1)

5 Denmark (5)

6 New Zealand (6)

7 Finland (7)

8 Netherlands (10)

9= Belgium (17)

9= Germany (9)

Source: Save the Children.
By Simon Collins

The new skills we teach our children seem never ending, however, some are an essential part of life. So, check out my toilet training tips for your toddler, to help you survive those slightly messier lessons in life!

You may notice these tell tale signs when your toddler is ready for toilet training:

1. Removing or wanting to remove their nappie after they have soiled themselves
2. Having an increased curiousity of the toilet, beyond wanting to play with the water in the toilet bowl!
3. Letting you know when they want to pee or being able to verbalise the words
4. Mimicking an older sibling, relative or friend by wanting to sit on the toilet seat

With all my children they have gone from nappies, directly to the toilet. I’ve never used a potty, toddler toilet seat or training pants but I have considered pull ups, but never used them either. That doesnt mean that any of the above wont work, but from experience I have not had any need for these.

What I have used is a hippo, a stepping stool in the shape of a hippo, to encourage them to put themselves on the toilet when the time arrives.

As with any learning for a child, there will be a trial and error period and although the messes may become frustrating, they are part and parcel of your child growing up.

I usually start toilet training between the ages of 2-3 and the most important advice I can give to you is to be consistent and persistent with your efforts. In fact, that piece of advice could be used for a number of lessons that you wish to teach your children of any age.

We currently have two avid toilet trainers in our household: Tiana – 28 months and Troy – 39 months. As the toilet training game goes, Troy is a little bit of a slow bloomer but has gone leaps and bounds ahead of his sister once he started.

Our Toilet Training Troopers

My 3 top toilet training tips for your toddler are:

1. Lead by example

Its usually much easier for a child to learn to use the toilet if they have a situation they can relate to. It is not uncommon for one of my toddlers to follow me into the toilet, and I wont discourage this, as it allows for a learning opportunity for them. That may seem a little bit uncomfortable to you but its a natural part of life. We all use the toilet, its not something to be ashamed of!

2. Ensure your child is comfortable with the toilet

Take the time to explain how the toilet works to your child. Let them know that they will not fall in if they position themselves correctly. And reassure them that until they are comfortable with going by themselves, you will always be there to make sure everything is safe and fine. Help them to be familiar with how the toilet works: Show them the cistern and tell them that when the button is pushed the ball inside the cistern releases the water into the toilet so that it flushes the toilet paper away into big drains. This a great opportunity for a “how things work” lesson – your child will be intrigued.

3. Always wash your hands

Its all part of the routine! You use the toilet, you wipe yourself and then to get rid of any germs, you have to wash and dry your hands. This is a lifelong lesson in personal hygiene and it starts from the very first use of the toilet or even coming into contact with the toilet. Ive found with some of my children that the hand washing part is the most enjoyable … soap and bubble time, YAY!! The other favourite is flushing the toilet and watching it all get swallowed up into the water.

4. Make them feel special with their very own undies

Part of my toilet training process involves wearing the big girl or big boy undies. It helps them to feel special and grown up with their very own set of underwear. You will find that your child enjoys having their very own set of whatever so undies come under that category too. You will find that it encourages them to want to wear their undies and not stay attached to their nappies.

You will have already noticed a slight pattern to when your child soils themselves whilst they were in nappies, this is a good indication for when to use the toilet.

First thing in the morning, when they awake, I put my child on the toilet and more often then not they will urinate. I’ll congratulate them on being so clever and grown up and provide lots of praise, all the way to the bathroom sink where they will wash their hands.

Initially your child may not make the connection between urinating and the toilet, so its a great idea to firstly ask if they would like to go to the toilet and then if they are unsure, to pop them on the toilet anyway. The first few days will be tedious, I usually ask or take them every 45 minutes to an hour until they have established for themselves when they want to go.

The worst of the toilet training is pooooos as Tiana and Troy call it. We are still at around 90% miss rate with the poooos but day by day its getting better. I almost resorted to pull ups since we have 2 toilet training but instead invested in some extra bottles of disinfectant and a huge helping of extra patience and tenacity!

There will be mistakes, but do not scold or smack your child … use a firm tone and let them know that poooos are for the toilet, not their underwear, behind the couch, under the bed, on the lounge room carpet or any other creative place they have found! It is a little embarassing for them too so dont make too much of a big deal over “spilt milk” its all fixable with a bucket of disinfectant a disposable cloth and a warm shower for your toddler!

So there you have it … a few tips for your toilet training toddler that I hope will help. Remember, its a lesson usually taught in a small amount of time, but it will last them a lifetime and be another step towards their own independence!! The upside will also be some savings to your pocket should you have been using disposable nappies.

Most recently I missed my appearance on the Good Morning Show concerning children and chores due to my daughter going into labour. I managed to watch the show and enjoyed the comments and advice but thought id share my thoughts on how your child can help with your list of household chores, or at least how my children do.

All our children help with our list of household chores, right from Mr 20 down to Miss 2. Each and every individual in our household has a responsibility to our family and to ensuring we live in a clean and tidy space and chores are a great way of teaching not only responsibility but also pride in ones work. But believe you me, our household is not an immaculately sparkling kept place!

We usually start at a young age with little things like picking up after themselves.

Toddlers love to help and as soon as they are able to tip out the toy box, they are old enough to pick up those toys and put them back into the toy box. After showers the toddlers can help by putting their dirty washing in the laundry and wiping up the bathroom floor. They are easy tasks but you will find that your toddler will be excited to help and love the praise given when completing a set task.

Praise is important when starting to teach chores.

Children like to please and if positive enforcement is given then they will continue to complete tasks without too much fuss. It is important to also remember that if taught right from a young age, this will usually carry through to their older years.

So when teaching your toddlers to pick up after themselves, ensure its ALL the toys they took out and not just a couple and be persistent in having them finish off the job. Its fine to help, helping is another skill that you can show your child while cleaning up.

As your child gets older, between 5-7 then keeping their room clean, making their beds and washing dishes can be added to their list of household chores. At this age you can start to have them help preparing food or cooking. All our children from 6 upwards make their own lunches before going to school. During preparation of the evening meal, they are encouraged to help with peeling vegetables, clearing benches, stirring mixtures and tidying up after the person cooking.

As for those that are 10-20 years of age, they do all the outside work, clearing up and putting out the rubbish and recycling, washing the clothes, hanging it out to dry and folding individual piles for the owners to put away.

All our children are expected to keep their bedrooms tidy and each morning the routine is usually: to wake up, make their bed, tidy their room, shower, eat breakfast, make lunch, tidy up after themselves and get to school on time.

We are able to gauge alot from our children in their help with our list of household chores, first and foremost is whether they complete the job to the standard that they have been shown. Your child starts to be proud of their achievements at home and a sparkling bathroom, perfectly vaccuumed hallway or the smell of clean washing can help to identify a “job well done” to your child. They feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement when provided praise for a completed task. Eventually consistent praise will not be required because they will be proud of their own efforts. Chores also engender self pride in ones efforts and seeing a task through to completion.

We also see chores as a way of each child contributing towards our family as a whole.

They may not be able to pay the bills, put food on the table, or ensure they have clothes and shoes to wear but they can help by sharing in the list of household chores.

Our families list of household chores is split up into 3 major parts: the living room – washing, hallway, stairs and foyer; the kitchen/dining room and finally the bathrooms/toilets, rubbish and recycling. These have been the 3 major chores since our 20 year old was 5 and has been split amongst our children as each got to a capable age.

Now that our teenagers receive an income they have come up with their own creative plan to evade the 3 major chores. The 3 eldest pay pocket money to their 3 younger siblings. This doesnt mean that they dont still help around the house, because they do … our teens are the washing, rubbish, recycling and outside yard cleanup crew.

We also had conditions on pocket money, as we have never made it a practice to pay our children for doing chores, it is their responsibility as a member of this family to help out and since we already house, feed and clothe our children, pocket money isnt a necessity. But with our 3 eldest children they had become busy with sports practices, work, study and other commitments that they believed they could achieve this easier through having the younger children do their share of the 3 major chores. And so the new chore regime began. Each week our 3 eldest pay their 13, 11 and 10 year old brothers and sister $20.00 each, of which $15.00 is deposited into their bank accounts and $5 is given to each child to spend as they please.

And what happens you may say when the chore is not done or when someone doesnt do their chore correctly … easy!

1. If your chore is not completed correctly within 45 minutes then you will be required to complete all 3 chores for the next week
2. If the chore is done within 45 minutes but not correctly, you will complete that chore again until it is done correctly and if it goes over your allocated 45 minutes then option 1 applies!

Most of the time because of the above, we have no issue with chores and if there is, you will find one of our children washing every single dish, pot and spoon in our kitchen!

There has to be consequences for lack of contribution to our list of household chores. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind to ensure that your children complete set tasks … tenacity, self pride, responsibility and job satisfaction is something that the adult world doesnt wait to be learnt, so save a stitch in time and teach your child now … that way they’ll be prepared for those adult steps!

With the birth of my grandson LeSiah, ive been provided with the opportunity for a refresher, in terms of memory, of the all the milestones in a childs life.

Tiana, my last baby, is currently 29 months old so alot of things are still fresh in my mind but LeSiah gives me the hands on to share with you all.

LeSiah, as were 10 of my children was a normal vaginal delivery and is currently fully breastfed. Infact, although I have had 11 children (1 c-section, Tiana), LeSiah is the first birth that I have watched being born and it was amazing … Grammie (my self titled name) was full of tears and pride!

Sharquille’s water broke at around 4am on the morning of 31 March, 2010. She immediately woke me up and I got her to shower, ensuring that the waters were clear, helped her clean up and checked whether she was having any pains. No pains whatsoever. Sharquille had a very clear birth plan and so I started to put this into action by contacting everyone to let them know that delivery would be anytime in the next 24 hours.

Ensure you have a birth plan

Tip 1: Check to ensure that your waters are clear and not green or any other colour apart from clear. If you wear a sanitary pad it will display the colour of the waters. I had Sharquille wear a panty liner or sanitary pad in her last couple of weeks. Advise your midwife or Lead Maternity Carer immediately. Take this time to rest up for the long journey ahead. Drink plenty of water. Your waters can break at any time during the labour process and not necessarily before labour starts. Infact my waters have only broken once in all my deliveries, every other time they have been broken during the actual delivery.

Waiting for something to happen

She had no contractions whatsoever until around 11pm. We had gone into hospital at around 2pm for monitoring to ensure everything was fine with baby and the progress of her labour. Because her water had broken she had been scheduled for an induction if labour did not establish before 8am on 1 April, 2010.

Tip 2: Aim to be active as much as possible during your labour without becoming tired. For example take gentle walks, dance a little or sway side to side. This can assist with establishing labour.

Once the contractions started at 11pmish, they were few and far between and by 8am the next morning we were on our way to the hospital for the scheduled induction.

Tip 3: When contractions start, to take the edge off your contractions, try leaving forward on either the back of a chair or something that is not lower than pelvis height and sway gently. BREATHE … extremely important. Take note of your breathing and try to concentrate on each inhalation and exhalation. This will help to distract you from the pain. Walk, listen to music, sing, shower, do anything that will help you to relax and not harm your baby.

Our family took up the whole waiting area, Sharquille had quite an entourage to welcome the birth of her first child … the energy was extremely gratifying for her and our family as a whole. What made the experience even more endearing is that my cousin Tillie was Sharquille’s midwife so we knew she was in good hands with her Aunty. Between 8-10.30am the family ate, laughed, talked and watched TV while Sharquille got ready for her induction and prepared for the delivery, having her contractions monitored … of which none appeared. The Specialist Obstetrician had not checked to see how much Sharquille had dilated as she had not been having any regular contractions but recommended that the induction get under way and he would check her in a few hours.

Tip 4: Support people are essential in birth and delivery, even if it is just you and your partner, best friend, Mother, Father, brother, or any other relative. Ensure you have a birth plan in place so that they are able to best support you during this period.

It was all quite sudden, when everyone had decided to go for a little morning tea break, we were all prepared for a long wait after the induction begun. Sharquille’s Aunty Natalie had bought a bottle of Lavendar oil all the way from Croatia that Sharquille had started to deeply inhale. She loves the smell of Lavendar. The induction infact had only just started, minutes into starting when Sharquille told me she had a pain! No contractions had shown up at all on the monitor from the time we arrived to this point. I told her that this was natural but she insisted that she felt like she wanted to pooh.

Tip 5: Always listen to your body. You will know better than anyone when your body is ready or if something is out of the ordinary. You know your body better than anyone. Alert those around you with any changes you may feel during labour and delivery.

Lavendar provides calming properties

At this stage, the seasoned professional that Tillie is kicked into action, she checked our girl to see how much she was dilated and to my amazement Sharquille was almost fully dilated and ready to push. It all went so fast after that. Present in the room was myself, my older sister Caroline, Ieremia, Sharquilles Dad Hoani and Step Mum Terri, my sister in laws Agnes and Natalie. A real family affair. On standby for assistance was a second midwife.

Tip 6: For the support people, don’t be offended if you’re asked to leave the birthing room by either the person delivering or medical staff. Everyone in the room has a job to do but if there is any discomfort involved you may be asked leave. This is the Mother’s Day, everything should be to her comfort, encouragement and instruction!

10 minutes before LeSiah is born

The delivery was beautiful, unassisted and drug free … the atmosphere was supportive, loving and full of excitement.

Once Sharquille started gently pushing and Tillie guided the delivery, LeSiah arrived into the world at 10.54am, 24 minutes after Sharquille had told us about her pains!

Tip 7: Ensure you have a birth plan in place. This is essential for you to have the best experience possible … your way. Note in your birth plan whether you would like a drug free birth, who cuts the cord, whether you would like skin to skin after delivery, who you would like to hold baby first, note anything that is of importance to you.

Aunty Tillie and Aunty Agnes watching LeSiahs first peek

What a precious experience and one I am proud to share with you all!

In any birthing situation there may be unexpected problems or there may be things that dont go quite as you have planned but my best advice to you is this … LISTEN. Your ears are a precious commodity during your birth and delivery. It is the one piece of advice I imparted to my daughter and one of the reasons I believe that she had such a natural and smooth birth, without drama, tears or rips to her periniuem.

Minutes after birth ... LeSiah and Grammie

They are one of childhoods greatest annoyances but unfortunately something that will happen to our children regardless of how clean you scrub them!! All 11 of my children have had headlice at some stage of their lives, however, there is a headlice treatment that you can use without the need for chemicals.

Surrounded by many myths headlice are a condition that can be easily treated, without the need for expensive chemical preparations or electrical combs. I’ll also provide you with some tips for keeping your childs hair nit free where the only real cost is your time.

Myths about headlice:

Headlice are not caused by lack of hygiene

• Infact Headlice prefer a clean scalp to lay their eggs, but that still does not guarantee your child will not get Headlice

Headlice cannot swing from one persons head to another

• Infestation occurs when Headlice crawl into another persons head.  Headlice have no wings and cannot fly, and also have no hind legs to give them the ability to jump.

Headlice have no prejudice for ethnicity, age, gender or level of income

• Regardless of any of the above your child is still prone to catching Headlice.  It is lack of the correct information or education that allows the spread of Headlice.

Headlice cannot be caught through swimming

• Headlice go into a state of animation when swimming and cling to the hair during any activity that involves the hair.  Headlice can be caught from using the towel of another infested child, but they cannot be transmitted through the swimming pool water.

What do Headlice and their eggs look like?

Headlice are usually brown, black or clear.  Their eggs are usually a yellowish colour.

Headlice and their eggs at different stages

Now that we’ve covered the very basics of Headlice, lets get down to the nitty gritty of getting rid of them and ensuring a less likelihood of reinfestation!!

What you will need:

• Shampoo
• Conditioner
• Long toothed steel comb
• white cloth nappy, pillow case or similar
• Hair brush
• 4 hair ties if your child has long hair

The teeth on this comb are perfect

Once you have all your bits n pieces together you will need to follow the next steps to not only check your child’s hair for Headlice or Nits but also to rid your child’s hair of these blood sucking nasties:

1. Wash your child’s hair thoroughly with Shampoo.  Rinse and apply conditioner.  Do not rinse out the conditioner.
2. Wrap your childs hair up with a towel and get them out of the shower.
3. Put the cloth nappy or pillowcase across your childs shoulders and ensure there is enough coverage to drape down their back.
4. Sit your child between your legs, remove the towel and brush out any tugs or knots from their hair
5. If your child has very long hair, section the hair into 4 even parts.  A split down the middle and a split across the middle.  Tie off each section that will not be used and take the first section.
6. Using your steel toothed comb start with the free section of hair and comb through this part, ensuring you comb from the scalp to the very tip of that portion of hair.
7. Ensure that you pay special attention to behind the ears, crown and nape of the neck.
8. If your child has Headlice or Nits/Eggs, these will either fall onto the piece of white cloth or become embedded in the comb.  Check the comb after each combing and remove the headlice and nits/eggs from the comb by using the white cloth.
9. For any headlice that are found, clip these between your thumb nails to kill them and ensure they do not crawl back into the hair or fall on the surrounding area that you are using.
10. Once you have completed each section of hair, brush the hair as one and go through the hair one more time with the Steel toothed comb.
11. Wrap up the used cloth and place in a tied bag and place in a safe area for 2 weeks or wash in very hot water and dry in the sun.
12. Take the brush and steel toothed comb, remove any hair and place items into a container and fill with boiled water to sterilise.
13. Change the sheets, bedding and pillow cases on your childs bed to ensure no further infestation

There you have it!  13 easy steps for headlice treatment without the need for expensive preparations.

A cheesy smile for Head lice free hair!!

To ensure that reinfestation does not occur, I do the following EVERY DAY for the next 10 days.  If you child showers in the morning, complete the above steps 1-12 but wash out the conditioner.  In the evening, probably before bedtime, brush the dry hair to remove any tugs or knots and comb the hair with the steel toothed comb.  The dry combing will help to rid the hair of any Nits/Eggs.  If your child showers at night, then the reverse will be done.  Remember to comb your childs hair wet one time and dry the next.

You will start to notice that your child has no headlice or eggs, but it is important to finish off the 10 day process.  Just one live egg or one live louse can reinfect the child.

To maintain clean hair, if you ensure you comb your child’s hair with the steel toothed comb every 3 days, you can reduce the chance of your child’s hair being reinfested.

The process may seem tedious and time consuming but if you take it from the perspective that your child will shower daily and need to have their hair brushed anyway, then it may not seem so difficult.

It is a great practice to teach your child to brush their hair twice or more a day and to get into a routine of using a steel tooth comb themselves.  The more the hair is combed the better it is for your child in avoiding reinfestations.  On a positive note, their hair will be silky, shiny and healthy!

I hope this helps you with headlice treatment of your children.  It sure has helped our large family to stay headlice free, especially when the chance is that if one gets them, everyone will get them!!

I am a stickler for routine and getting my toddler in bed on time. So by the time my newborns are 2 weeks old they are usually already sleeping through the night. And usually, I can time each waking moment, feeding time, nappy change and play time.

This often works a treat but on occassion, the routine is unsettled and that leaves the child unsettled also. The most common reason is usually due to illness or maybe you’ve had a family outing that has broken the normal bedtime rhythm.

Quality time for Ieremia and I is extremely important, and I know that as parents we all too often forget to make the time for our relationships and continue in the Mummy / Daddy mode. Time to yourself is important, if only to take a breather, reflect on your day and prepare for the next day. This precious time is most often found when your child is asleep.

Sleep usually provides that much needed break

Here’s a few of our tricks to ensure a stress free and child free evening.

An hour before bedtime, start winding down the day for your child. Let them know that bedtime is near and mark it with something that you will easily be able to do every night. Having a bath or getting into pyjamas is a great way to indicate to your child that this is the beginning of the night time wind down. That way when the shower is turned on or their clothes are changed, they know what will usually come next. If there is some resistance remember to explain why bedtime is required and continue with reading a book or picking a favourite toy to sleep with. I find that reading a book under dim light is a gentle path into noddy land for your little one.

By nature I have very little patience so after the book is read its time for kisses, cuddles and lights out. In our household its called “dark time” but once the lights are turned off its the final indication to the child that it is bedtime.

If your child does not settle and comes out of bed, take them back to bed immediately. Don’t be tempted to snuggle up on the couch until they fall asleep, this will cause them to want to do this every night. It is bedtime so back to bed they go. You may want to sit beside their bed for a little time to reassure them that all is fine but be firm, let them know it is bedtime. Even when the water works start, stay firm and stick to returning your child to bed. This is key to having your toddler in bed on time.

It may even turn into a tantrum but after a while your toddler will tire, for if you stick to a routine, they are tired and eventually sleep will come. Even if its after a huge tantrum, this can turn to your favour for afterwards, your toddler will fall into an exhausted heap on the floor.

I know that at the time you are going through these difficulties it is hard. I have been there often. But you need to be strong with yourself, to know that what you are doing is right.

In the long run, getting your toddler in bed on time, is beneficial to both you and your partner. Remember that as a toddler deep, uninterrupted sleep is the best thing for your child. When they wake in the morning they are well rested, full of energy and ready for a new day of learning and adventures.

I do beleive that getting your toddler in bed on time, helps sets a lifelong pattern of healthy sleep, reaping lifelong benefits for your toddler, and a more healthy balanced life in your relationship with your partner, and with your child.

All children are angels when they are asleep

Today I spent lunch with Sharquille (16 years old), Troy (2 years old), Tiana (18 months old), Miah (4 years old) and of course, their Papa cum chauffeur, my darling Ieremia.

We drove to the supermarket fairly close to my work, and to appease Mstr. Troy, we grabbed lunch. I promised a bag of sweets for all of them, if they would be good for their sister while they all waited in the car, as we shopped.

We grabbed our favourites: sausage rolls, pies, my Panini, a couple of bags of potato chips and the promised bag of sweets. On our return Sharquille was doing her usual routine, txting like her life depended on it. And Mr. 2 squealing at the top of his lungs trying to get her attention. Luckily the trip in and out of the supermarket was no longer than 10-15 minutes, any longer and Troy may have got swallowed up into Sharquille’s cell phone!!

I jumped in the back seat with Troy and Miah and it suddenly dawned on me …

why children have to …

why children have to scream at the top of their lungs when you’re shopping, why children have to have their own bag of sweets and not have to share, why children have to wear all the latest labels, why children have to grow up so fast, of course, there are so many others… “why children have to …”.

After I put myself in the back hot seat, I immediately calmed Troy down by the fastest route possible, offering the bag of sweets. Not always the best option, but when I’ve only got an hour for lunch and it’s almost half over, sometimes the quick fixes take precedence so that I can get to the good parts… cuddling my incredibly cute child that i’ve been looking forward to seeing.

Troy started to eat his Orange flavoured treat and watched attentively as I gave both Miah and Tiana their sweets. Sharquille was still in the digital world so didn’t even notice the bag of lollies that I had. Troy’s attention then turned to the bag of lollies again and before I knew it, he was howling for the whole pack of treats. There it was, my “why children have to” moment … why children have to cry for the whole bag.

This used to be beyond me many years ago, but I learnt something very simple; The child doesn’t want for the complete bag of lollies. They want the bag, colourful and crinkly and the genius of some marketer intending to produce and sell the contents of millions of these. The easy fix is, to secretly away from his peering eyes, remove all the sweets, leaving a few for that child and then give him back the bag. The tears will soon cease in record time and you won’t have to start the tears up again by giving the other children sweets from Mr. “I don’t want to share right now’s” private stash.

But you still have 90% of them in your pocket to divide up for now and save some for later.

I’m fairly certain for most of us, that as parents we all aspire to have the opportunity of having our cake and eating it too. No one wants to have to deal with, the swollen red eyes and husky throats, from the tantrums of wanting to have, from our smallest of angels.

I spent the rest of my lunch hour in fairly good spirits, enjoying the kisses and cuddles from my children, catching up on Miss 4’s wonderful morning at Kindergarten, where she is growing a bean person. Watching Miss “16 going on 20″, pawing over her new Okta Mondo cell phone in addition to two other phones’, extra appendages, on what used to be my daughter’s hands. Especially, the new babbles and cheeky giggles that Tiana has recently leapt into. And then I opened one of the bag’s of Potato Chips ….

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The last time I wrote about my appearance on the Good Morning Show, I had a great time.

I thought I did this time also, until I watched a clip of the parenting panel and I thought to myself … OH MY GOODNESS, who is that Mother of 11 who keeps looking to the skies for divine intervention!!

Up until today, I didn’t know what to write but having an inspirational conversation with my younger brother, Tuna (yes that is right, younger brother and for this moment it was inspirational), it’s prompted me to complete the post that I didn’t almost 2 weeks ago.

The topic was Parental Labour and the division of duties.

Now I know for some it may be hard to believe but Ieremia does almost everything. There are a couple of reasons, firstly because he is the stay at home component of our relationship and secondly, because he does a great job at it.

What I wanted to point out during the Parenting Panel was that you should always plan parenting from your strengths. That way it is so much more of a pleasure than a chore. What is it that you enjoy as part of the parenting process? What domestic chores do you enjoy doing?

I enjoy shopping and dragging the kids around town fitting shoes and clothes. Ieremia hates it. Ieremia enjoys the whole washing, drying and putting away of dishes. I can’t bear that chore, but I love to do washing. I like to wash the toilets and keep the bathroom clean. Ieremia prefers to clean the outside. I am more tactful at pro-actively disciplining the teenagers. Ieremia is great at empowering our little ones through their mistakes. And the list goes on …

Ieremia has the patience of a saint

And when the both of you have issues with chores or management of children … then it’s a decision you both need to sort, maybe this time Mum, maybe the next time Dad.

Ieremia and I also have the added advantage of our children helping out with chores. But before they were old enough to do these, we still had to separate out the different parenting responsibilities.

I’m not saying that our household is sparkling clean, gleaming from the foyer entrance to the manicured back yard terraces.

But, what I’m saying is that, you need to formulate a realistic and workable plan that works for the both of you. Once you have that plan in place then everything will fall into place as it should. So there may be some teething problems, but address each of these as they occur and be persistent with your plans.

There is often the argument or heated discussion that can take place between couples where, “He doesn’t do it the way I like”, or “She hasn’t made that the way I like”.

My simple answer to this is to decide why it is you like it a certain way and impart this to your partner, or take the time to show them and if worse comes to worst, what is the big deal if it isn’t done perfectly.

Fix it yourself.

Don’t get caught up in the” I wanted it this way” syndrome. This is not grade/primary school and as adults we should manage with what we have.

Be practical about your demands.

So he didn’t polish each fork individually. But hey, the fork is definitely clean and I can use it to eat without catching some type of tummy bug. My shirt didn’t have the collar pressed quite the way I like it, oh well, press it yourself. Better yet, show your partner the way you would like it pressed.

For goodness sakes, compromise and get on with being happy instead of being nitpicky.

I taught Ieremia everything I know on the domestic front. He has adapted it to his own style. I may not find his cleaning up chores completely to my approval, but hey, it’s clean.

I can’t fault his cooking. He’s an absolutely great personal Chef!!

When it comes to cooking its all on Ieremia

So all in all I have nothing more to say then to reiterate this:

1. Parent to your strengths

If you are better dealing with the terrible twos and not the demanding teens, then communicate that to your partner and get on with what you do best.
Break it all down and assign the current parenting responsibilities. As new ones arise, reassess.
That does not excuse you from trying to extend yourself into a slightly foreign area in terms of parenting or domestic duties.

2. Compromise fairly

So maybe after 6 weeks you’re sick of doing the washing every day. Don’t stress! Swap up and maybe make it a weekly swap instead of whining and getting an ulcer over it. It’s not worth it. Instead find a way to achieve the best possible scenario. Really now, it’s not a game. For in this instance, you really want to have both of you win. One should feel grateful at being helped, and the other a sense of accomplishment with the feeling that they’ve helped out.

3. If you don’t like the way something is done …

Find the happy medium. Do it yourself, now, or today, but at the same time, make suggestions or show your partner how you would like this chore performed. Don’t get caught up in something that isn’t going to matter a year from now or even a month from now.

Don’t agree? Voice your opinion in my comments or feel free to contact me. I welcome your feedback and comments.